Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

SIL is really getting on my nerves

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  • #1050235 Reply
    avatarGianna
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    So my sister in law has been doing a few bothersome things over the past few years but last year and this year she has managed to top that off. A few months ago my husband mentioned to me that my SIL has once told him that I am a spoiled brat who always has to get her way and the proceeded to back this up by recounting an instance from my early twenties (we’re in our thirties now and needless to say a lot has freaking changed)- in short one night I stayed up late and partied with friends at our old apartment while she was trying to sleep (she partied with us). Anyway she never even discussed this with me or brought it up to me as an issue, because she is always trying to be quiet about these things and just snaps at you at random times instead. Anyway this was one “incident” at a time in my life where partying was a thing. A few other things were said about me to my now husband and it’s really freaking weird to say the least that she would just do that. For what reason?
    But the straw that broke the camel’s back is when on my birthday I called her to make plans and she gladly said that we can hang out and celebrate together like we did up until last year I guess. Now I show up with cake and drinks and she just tells me that she is going to take a shower and go to sleep (it was 5 PM and she has no job- she had no job since she married my brother and always tried to find different reason to not work- mind you my brother is having some sort of crisis and is now accusing my parents of not raising him right and not pushing him to do more with his life and choose a better career which is ridiculous in itself because they have and secondly they have without having to- but to me it’s obvious that the frustration is my SIL which has not brought any income and he is overwhelmed by the expenses of two people but he won’t blame it on that if there is the need for blame). And now when we visit each other she won’t even say hello to me and it’s just getting on my nerves. No one is ever saying anything to her and I’m assuming that she just effing waits for me to snap or something and I’m just so fed up with her but I really don’t want to cut off my brother from my life. We have been very close our entire life. I just don’t know how to deal with this and I just don’t know how I’m gonna be able to accept her past antiques. I feel like anger with her is building up and I just feel like I’ve been wronged.

    #1050239 Reply
    avatarGianna
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    I missed one point from the birthday story- that being that after we made plans and she said she was expecting me over- turned out she didn’t even mentioned it to my brother intentionally so he went to see a friend on that day- so we had to just return home. I’m just so livid that I can’t even explain things right I guess. Maybe I’m over reacting but I seriously don’t feel like I am.

    #1050271 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
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    Stop making plans with your brother through her. Find opportunities to meet with your brother 1:1. Suggest things that he would like, that are inexpensive, that she wouldn’t like.

    Ask him if he’s OK. Listen to him. Don’t give him directions or advice. Just ask him how he is and what he’s going to do about his problems, “If a friend said what you said what would you recommend they do?” or “What do you think you’ll do about that?”

    If he complains about his wife, don’t agree with him outright. If he says “she’s manipulative” ask him to clarify – give him the opportunity to put words to his feelings. Don’t agree with him because he’ll go back to her and they’ll fight and then he’ll say “… and Gianna agrees with me!” which means you’re now the enemy.

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