Silly dating advice needed in handling old flame

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  • Kitten324
    March 22, 2023 at 6:00 pm #1119239

    I had to moved back to my home country from abroad and was visiting my parents in my home town. I was on tinder and came across an old flame from my late teens early 20s. I had not even thought of him in years but had fond memories with him. We were messaging, I explained I lived 2 hours away but would be home visiting parents so if he was keen to catch up, let me know. He messaged a week later saying he was in the city I live visiting friends and am I free for drinks. We met up. It was weird.. we hadn’t seen each other in 8 years! Tbh I don’t think there was anything real between us, we had turned into different ppl. But I felt there was an attraction.

    We came back to mien and we left together. It was our first time so it was fun. I had wanted to sleep with him when I was younger but I suppose it never happened. Anyway the next day we hung out, we got smoothies, went for a walk … he was keen. But I knew it wasn’t anything that would process. He messaged that night, saying how good it was to catch up. I didn’t want to be messaging loads so the next day I said I’m not the biggest texter but I’d message him when I’m home next and we could meet. So I did message 3 weeks later! I was going to the pub with a friend so he joined with two of his. It was a fun night, I ended up going back to his. We had pretty passionate sex. The next morning I got up early because I had to meet a friends for breakfast. He was taken aback and said he was going to cook me breakfast. I apologised and he insisted on dropping me off.

    Later that night I messaged, saying thanks for a great night, and i was about next weekend if was up for catching up… anyway the next week came and he didn’t message. So I was a bit confused as he was so keen. Anyway we haven’t spoken since which hasn’t bothered me as I don’t want it to turn serious… but I’m going home next week and wanted to meet him even for a stroll/ coffee… not necessarily sex related. We have known each other for 13 years and have a lot of history so I suppose I just want to see how he is as a friend. But… I’m not sure .. if he wants to meet .. cos he didn’t message? Or will he assume it’s for sex? This is a silly issue… but I suppose I’ve known him for so long I don’t want it to go weird or is to become awkward strangers.

    • This topic was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by Avatar photoDear Wendy.
    • This topic was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by Avatar photoDear Wendy.
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    Anonymousse
    March 22, 2023 at 7:31 pm #1119240

    I think you should just ask him as you would normally if he wants to meet up.

    Reply
    Kitten324
    March 23, 2023 at 9:50 am #1119253

    I mean any other time I would without thought but I suppose I don’t want to get rejected and it be weird between us…… I’m completely overthinking this and I’ve no idea why Hahahah

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    Anonymousse
    March 23, 2023 at 7:44 pm #1119280

    You can do nothing, not reach out and hope he does. But that’s being passive , (kind of lame IMO) and letting him be in control. Just ask. If there’s a rejection, you take some time to get over it and you’ll be fine. You’re a grown up. We face rejection and hurt everyday and brush it off. You got this.

    How is sex less awkward than asking to hang out? Honestly, the sex is mutually beneficial. You’re overthinking it.

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    allo
    March 24, 2023 at 4:46 am #1119281

    It’s understandable that you want to catch up with your old flame as a friend and see how he’s doing after all these years. Since you haven’t spoken since your last encounter, it’s possible that he didn’t message because he’s in a relationship and doesn’t want to complicate things, or he may simply be busy with his own life.

    If you want to reach out to him to meet up as friends, you can send him a message or call him to see if he’s available. Be clear about your intentions and let him know that you’re not looking for anything romantic or sexual. If he doesn’t respond or declines your invitation, don’t take it personally. It’s possible that he’s not interested or may have other commitments.

    Remember that it’s important to respect his boundaries and his current relationship status. If he does agree to meet up, keep the conversation light and focus on catching up as friends. Avoid bringing up any past romantic feelings or experiences unless he brings it up first.

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    LisforLeslie
    March 24, 2023 at 5:24 am #1119282

    At this point you’re in control here. You’ve essentially been pursuing him. You made the first call. You invited him to your place after meeting up. You made the second call. You reach out when you’re visiting. Do you reach out between visits?

    If you want something more, or you want something less, then you have to spell it out. This guy does not have ESP.

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Silly dating advice needed in handling old flame

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