something about closure

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  • akilm
    April 11, 2023 at 11:09 pm #1119601

    ok so
    back when i was 12-14 i was in a relationship. it was perfect until i transformed as a person and began cheating and being promiscuous on the internet. there was no gain from it, just something stupid i did to sabotage myself. recently, now that i’ve moved on and im with someone else, it’s been haunting me. i literally threw everything away for what?? he probably hates me now and the way i reacted when i knew our relationship was on the fritz probably made him think i was insane (i had a long depressive episode and frequent psychotic breaks and it caused me to misrepresent myself even more than i already did. i came off as possessive, controlling, manipulative and mistrustful.)
    i want to text him and find closure in all of this, because what i did was so fucked up and i can’t forgive myself. i’m not looking for him to forgive and forget, just to talk one last time (maybe ever) and just put it out of the way.

    i’m not sure if its actually right to do so, though, since i have another long-term boyfriend now and im not sure if i’d actually be able to reach him successfully.

    help please

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    Anne
    April 12, 2023 at 12:46 am #1119603

    Maybe you could write him a letter/email/text and explain all of this. If there’s any residual feelings left for this person though it might not be a good idea. But if it’s truly just about closure then definitely reach out. Just make sure you let your current partner know of your intention.

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    Annymousse
    April 12, 2023 at 6:34 am #1119607

    Do not reach out. Closure is a myth.
    Write the letter, but burn it and let it go. We all make mistakes when we are young. You don’t need him to forgive you. You need to forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes and move on. Nothing good will come of reaching out. I highly suggest not doing that. Let it go. Forgive yourself.

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    Annymousse
    April 12, 2023 at 6:35 am #1119608

    Also it was all online. Please stop beating yourself up.

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    Avatar photo
    April 12, 2023 at 9:47 am #1119611

    Don’t reach out. I’ve been cheated on a couple of times (though as an adult, which I think makes a difference) and I think it’d mess with me if one of those men reached out to get closure for himself over his own chosen actions. If it had happened when I was still healing, it’d definitely have messed with me. Even now, years removed from having seen or spoken to these men, I’d not be interested in rehashing things for their benefit… it still hurts if I think about some of those moments too precisely.

    You don’t say how much time has passed, but if it has been awhile and it’s still haunting you, you can speak to a therapist about this. I think it’s common to think someone else can give us peace and closure, but it doesn’t work that way. Closure comes from within.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by Avatar photoCopa.
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