May 11, 2018 at 10:15 am #752458
How much crap am I going to get for throwing my sister a sprinkle/shower for baby#3? Baby#2 is 7 now and in the past 2 years they have lost their home, cars, and business and handled it very badly. They are now living with my mom trying to get back on their feet. My sister (not the pregnant one) and I have bought all of the big stuff (bed, stroller, car seat, high chair), and were originally going to have a BBQ with our kids and my aunt, let everyone make baby onesies etc. My mom wanted to invite pregnant sisters in-laws (mainly mom and sister). They have a rocky relationship since the business failed, and mom was hoping a new baby would be a bridge for them. So at church I asked her sister in-law if her and her mom would want to come she said yes and sent me a list of their aunts addresses. So yesterday and there is a facebook post from a cousin on their side about knowing you can’t afford another kid but begging for gifts. So that aunt isn’t getting a invite. Should I go back to my original plan of just our side to avoid all of the crap. We know she doesn’t need another baby and shouldn’t have another one but June 20th or so they are having another baby.May 11, 2018 at 10:28 am #752460
I don’t like the idea of a shower for a second or third kid, personally. And if you’re feeling like there’s going to be judgment and animosity given that your sister and her husband mismanaged their finances and hurt other people in the process, just don’t do it. Is there a way to solicit gently used stuff from church people or something?May 11, 2018 at 10:36 am #752461
Family isn’t supposed to throw showers…for whatever reason. Not that I agree with that. Eh, people knowing her situation and the age of the child doesn’t make it awful but plenty of people do find it tacky. I do have to agree to not have a child if you cannot afford it but then I will get bitched at per the other post because people shouldn’t be expected to have self control. I think it would be better to say a celebration BBQ or something but it’s all just a shower anyway. At the end of the day do what make you all happy and you feel is best for her. I don’t think I’d let any of my sisters pregnancies go by without spoiling her, even if it wasn’t a full fledged party but I am one to want to celebrate happy events with my family. People will find reason to complain about everything at the end of the day.May 11, 2018 at 11:02 am #752465
People will find reason to complain about everything at the end of the day.
Amen to that! Honestly, when I clicked on the post to read from the side-bar I really thought this was going to be a letter written by (in your case) your pregnant sister asking about whether it was tacky to have a shower and expect gifts for Baby #3, and if that were the case I’d say “Yeah, a bit.” But when it’s the pregnant woman’s sister asking if it’s tacky to throw her a shower and buy her stuff she needs because she’s on hard times . . . I mean, who cares what other people think? If you want to do it, do it. She’s not asking for it; you and your other sister are offering it to her out of kindness and love, and you don’t sound like you’re expecting genuflection or your name shouted from the rooftops, and that makes you good people who care. Anyone who criticizes that is either bitter at her (which is not your problem) or jealous of you (which shouldn’t be your problem).
It’s times like this where I remember the old Dr. Seuss quote: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” 🙂May 11, 2018 at 11:06 am #752466
I’m not sure I’d go the sprinkle route. I personally don’t like when people do 2nd or beyond ones unless it is someones first child. I would reach out to everyone you know and ask for anything used that they could donate. It is amazing how much stuff people keep. I have a garage full of baby stuff and a year ago I gave a bunch to someone in a similar situation when her sister was paying a lot out to help; I didn’t even know the expecting family. There’s no reason a baby should suffer because her parents don’t make great choices.
Then maybe have a smallish, informal meet the baby get together after. People don’t have to bring gifts to that but if they choose to, they could.
No matter what you do people will be crappy. You guys are bearing the brunt of helping with the situation and could probably use some help so I hope that you get it one way or another.
Oh and don’t forget to check local 2nd hand stores like Goodwill for stuff. I have gotten some amazing deals there for kids stuff.May 11, 2018 at 11:07 am #752467
Thanks for the input I think I will pull it back to just our side of the family’s get together to avoid the drama that inevitably will come. JD I completely agree that the decision or missed decision to have this baby was a very bad choice. Kate, I would feel bad asking the church people to donate with the income my husband and I have. My sister and I are in the process of buying/soliciting from our friend circles what they don’t have anyway to keep my mom from buying it.May 11, 2018 at 11:12 am #752468
Very greedy. How greedy you ask? As greedy as they look fucking stupid. They lose EVERYTHING and now decide to have baby number three? Fuck me. America is doomed.May 11, 2018 at 11:12 am #752469
On a fun baby shower note, I always like to throw a mommy gift in. Something small, some chocolates, bubble bath, something just for mom to enjoy before the crazy baby time comes.May 11, 2018 at 11:13 am #752470
PS —. Yep, team disinvited cousin here.May 11, 2018 at 11:28 am #752472
I’d skip the shower in this case. If people ask you if there’s going to be a shower, or if the couple needs anything, then you can suggest something modest like a onesie, or a package of diapers, or anything else that they need. That way it doesn’t seem like the family is soliciting gifts.May 11, 2018 at 11:44 am #752474
Greedy, no. Stupid to have a baby when they can’t afford a place of their own with two kids already in the mix? Yes.
This baffles me. They are making a choice to have the baby. It’s kind of you and others to buy all the big things they can’t afford.May 11, 2018 at 11:55 am #752478
Just throw the party. Tell people it’s a party for your nephew/niece and they can bring a gift if they want to.