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Stalemate following a disagreement

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  • #861987 Reply
    avatardonnajack0
    Participant

    So just last weekend my daughter,her boyfriend and my partner went to a concert,it had been a gift from my daughter for my birthday which is this weeekend,so was an early celebration.i was aware my partner wasn’t keen on the group who were playing,but he voluntarily bought a ticket to join us which I appreciated he did although it was a surprise to me he did.he drove us there that day(5.5hr drive) and then that night we went.however despite trying to exclude him I could clearly see from his facial expression and not engaging with us he was really not enjoying the event.i suggested to him a few times to just head back to the rented apartment we had as I didn’t want him to continue if really not happy to and it also to an extent was taking away my enjoyment of the concert as I felt bad for him(maybe a bit selfish of me).he however insisted on staying and just said he felt tired,although it definitely felt more than that as he looked miserable.a lot of the people who we knew also there remarked and asked if he was ok,which made me feel worse and really took. Away from the concert for me.after the concert ended my daughter asked someone outside to take a picture of us all together and my partner refused to join in and walked away which angered me.when we were walking back to the apartment I decided to politely tell him how that all left me feeling and that I didn’t understand why he stayed when it was impacting on him so badly and e explained I felt let down by him for an event that was for my birthday.his way to respond was to in the middle of the street start shouting at me making me feel like I had done wrong and when I asked him to just leave it as I didn’t want the rest of the evening being ruined he persisted to shout at me to a point that my daughters boyfriend intervened as he didn’t like the way I was being treated.nothing else was said about it after that.
    Now since returning I have still felt upset by it all cause now what should have been a happy memory for my birthday has now been marred and I am not dealing with it well at all as I am finding it hard to just be “ok” with him,but equally he is giving me the same treatment and making me feel like I have done something wrong here and leaving me questioning myself.i in my gut feel he should at least apologise,but his response or lack of actually since we returned is making me feel like he feels justified for treating me that way making me feel like I’ve been unreasonable.so looking for some neutral advice really.this stalemate is awful

    • This topic was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by avatardonnajack0.
    #861988 Reply
    avatardonnajack0
    Participant

    .

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by avatardonnajack0.
    #861996 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    Your husband rather drastically over-reacted, but it was ridiculous of you to keep picking at him about his facial expression and telling him to go back to the apartment. If he wanted to go back to the apartment, he would have done so after your first offer. The two of you need to learn to communicate better and he could use an anger management course, since it’s obvious he was way beyond pissed by your continuing to suggest he return to the rented apartment.

    #861998 Reply

    He sounds like a real jerk. He ruined your birthday night, blew up on you in public and was apparently insulting you enough that your daughters bf had to step in and even now won’t apologize! I mean….WOW.

    Why are you still with him? It’s too bad you didn’t include more details about your relationship, but from what you did write, I think you should really think about whether you want to be in a relationship with a man who has the disposition and temper of a toddler. Seriously. Adults use their words and leave instead of ruining a good time for everyone else. He refused a picture because he’s an asshole. He started shouting at you because he can’t communicate like a grown adult. You can’t fix him. He is immature.

    #862026 Reply
    avatarAnge
    Guest

    I can’t stand people who clearly aren’t having fun but insist on hanging around like a bad smell and making sure nobody else has fun either. It’s selfish and ensures everyone pays attention to you at all times. I bet it’s not the only time he’s done that if you go through your memory banks.

    #862037 Reply
    avatardonnajack0
    Participant

    I maybe should have made it clearer Ron that I had offered him twice rather than the constantly picking at him that you assume,but yes maybe offering twice was unreasonable of me?? And yes I do agree communicating better is needed

    #862038 Reply
    avatardonnajack0
    Participant

    It’s not the only time he has made me feel bad like this and has this well polished way of speaking down to be in a stern tone like a child and apparently doesn’t realise he is doing it and soMe how always gets turned back on to me.i have to say I am also not perfect and I can have a bit of a short temper at times or I bottle up feelings and let it lose all at once…….I do agree we need to communicate better,but it’s hard when you don’t have someone that can meet you half way and see they have done wrong too or at least show genuine feeling that they are sorry which for this last incident I am waiting on a week down the line.you do as it keeps happening start to wonder if it’s you that is wrong and need someone from outside to give their opinion

    #862060 Reply

    Stop dating a petulant child. Nudging him to leave if he wasn’t happy two times is not too much. Don’t start believing his bs about how any of this is your fault. It’s not your fault. It was your birthday.

    At the end of the day, he’s a jerk who ruined your birthday and even now, a week later-refuses to apologize.

    Break up with him. I bet when you do, you’ll feel a weight lifts off of you. He sounds like an angry bully who talks down to you because he is just an unhappy person.

    #862069 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Talking down to you and yelling at you in the street are really bad traits in a partner.

    Edit: So is refusing to talk about something that obviously upset you both.

    Personally, I think you should have just ignored / left him alone that night after he insisted on going and said he was fine. You could have discussed it alone at a later time after you got home the next day. Not a great idea to try to address it after the event while tired and walking with other people. You also said he angered you right before you decided to “politely” tell him how you felt, which… eh. But that’s just kind of for future reference. Your partner sounds like a jerk. I would just break up with him. You could push him to talk about it and apologize, but I think that’s just going to start another cycle of him turning shit around on you, making you feel bad, and then you end up apologizing… until next time. I think you two just aren’t good together.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by avatarKate.
    #862071 Reply
    avatarPeggy
    Guest

    Hi-agree this guy is a jerk. I was married to someone who would “rain on my parade” constantly. He was forever disappointed,negative and sulking,envious of others etc. Always chose to see the glass half full. He would turn things around on me too,like it was my fault he could not be happy.
    Left after 26 years (way too long)-it was wonderfully liberating and I enjoy my life without Mr. Gloom and Doom hanging about. This won’t change-leave now.

    #862073 Reply
    avatarPeggy
    Guest

    Glass half empty I mean!

    #862079 Reply

    What is the upside with staying with him?

    After everything you’ve listed here – which can really be summarized as “consistently makes you feel bad”, there must be some really incredible golden trait about him that makes you want to stay with him, right?

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