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Dear Wendy

Stalemate following a disagreement

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  • #862098 Reply

    On reflection it’s definitely a fair comment to say I didn’t pick the right time to raise how his behaviour made me feel and definitely should have been raised the next day after a nights rest.i did however keep calm and raised it carefully,the reaction I didn’t expect.
    As with any relationship how we are now is not how we started and I have to say for the last year it’s been pretty the start he was thoughtful,he was easy to talk to,but this has gone now.if I had been told at the start this is how he would be now I wouldn’t believe you.i have a young son that has grown attached to him(from my previous relationship) so I have to be careful around my decisions and of course you always end up clinging onto how things “were” in the hope they will be again so you stick in,but it’s becoming increasingly apparent that it’s but a distant dream…….you then slap yourself for it going wrong and essentially making a bad decision and especially when it affects a child also.
    I appreciate all views in support or against how I feel here,it’s good to get neutral perspective.i am not perfect as I said before I have a temper at times,but tend to bottle feelings before opening them up.i can be stubborn also,but with that when I know I am wrong I always hold my hand up and will apologise when needed and if this had been me doing this to him I would have been apologising profusely the next day

    #862099 Reply

    “ As with any relationship how we are now is not how we started.”

    Yeah, that’s not really true though, if you’re saying that any relationship starts off good and then becomes a roller coaster. That describes a toxic relationship. Healthy relationships do evolve, but they don’t turn into a series of ups and downs / bad and good.

    Don’t stay in a relationship that’s not serving you well because you think your son has gotten used to having the guy around.

    #862103 Reply

    Oh no I don’t mean all relationships turn into rollercoasters,I mean even my previous didn’t end up that way we just grew apart.what I mean is they all change/grow……just seems mine didn’t head the right way

    #862104 Reply

    Please stop blaming yourself or his choices and his actions. There’s not really anything wrong with saying how his behavior was making you feel. 9 times out of 10 in that situation, I think most people would say something.

    Please don’t stay with someone who is mean and cruel to you for the sake of your son. Your son will be better off without this kind of influence in his life. And I agree with Kate, people should not drastically change after you start dating them. He might have some sort of psychological issue (or honestly could just simply be an asshole) but that’s his to confront and seek help for. You don’t have to be a punching bag for him to work his feelings out on.

    #862216 Reply

    Yeah I wouldn’t stay with him because of my son,but having a child involved just means I need to be careful how I handle this and ensure it’s the right decision and take care of my sons feelings.urgh being an adult certainly is no fun at times,thankyou for the advice kind of has cemented what I was feeling anyway,but sometimes we can be very one track minded and need outside thoughts to compare against just incase you maybe are wrong to feel the way you do

    #862234 Reply

    I’d say that having a kid is more reason not to stay with him longer than needed. You’re your son’s main role model for how relationships work. Consider what he’s learning by watching your boyfriend’s behavior and your response to it.

    #862236 Reply

    It’s the right decision to surround your son with good role models. This man is not a good male role model even if your son thinks he likes him.

    By staying with someone who yells at you in public and calls you names, you are teaching your son that it’s okay to treat women like that. That withstanding abuse is what he should do. That it is okay to give someone the silent treatment for weeks. Your choices teach him how he should conduct himself and his relationships in the future.

    What this experience should teach you is to be more careful about how you introduce men you are dating to your children and making sure you know someone’s true character before you move in together. Honestly, that you even wrote in for advice after an incident like this tells me you might have bad taste in men or choose the wrong type of guy.

    #862377 Reply

    Your also showing your daughter how to be treated in a relationship. She saw how this man treated you. In public yelling at you! She didn’t come to your defense (maybe she thinks his behavior is normal by watching your relationships through the years) it was her boyfriend.

    Please please end this relationship. Kick him out of your life post haste and tell your son that this relationship didn’t work out because ex-bf didn’t treat you well. Tell him an age appropriate version of the truth.

    You’ve only been seeing this man for a year. Next time don’t introduce your bf to your kids until you’ve had a solid pleasant year with them, then your kids won’t become attached.

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