Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Stay friends or let go

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  • #850578 Reply

    So last year I started dating this guy, it all started out great as I was on school holidays as I’m a teacher and I could spend a lot of time with him. We both have mutual friends and I’d known him a while but on a random night he asked me out on a date. Anyway long story short he lives back at my home town where I grew up but I don’t live there any more and I’m about an hours journey so when I went back to work it made it hard to see each other. So since then we agreed just to casually date, which was great except feelings were developed. Then about 4 months ago he told me that he’d Met another girl so we decided to go back to being friends. Recently he declared he still had feelings and would leave said girlfriend for me but I didn’t believe me and kept it as friends. Yesterday he told me that they found out she was pregnant and therefore would be staying together. I would never jeopardise someone else’s relationship especially with children involved but it still really hurts for what I could’ve had and wanted but non of us could commit to moving closer to the other. I’m always going to see them around and he wants to stay friends and I do really value his friendship. Do I stay friends with him or not?

    #850590 Reply

    It really hurts for what you could’ve had? He laid it right out for you — that he had feelings still — and you said to keep it as friends. What you could’ve had was right there, but you turned it down.

    Don’t stay friends, as it’s clear that you’re still pining for him.

    #850591 Reply

    Ehh, what options do you have? Yes, stay friends. Don’t make this weirder than it needs to be.

    #850598 Reply

    If you still have feelings for him, then being friends isn’t going to work. It’ll just hurt. Do you really want to be around to watch him build a life with another woman?

    #850619 Reply

    What’s an hours drive?..

    Y’all were never serious enough to commit and commute, instead made up excuses that you couldn’t drive 1 hour or meet half way. Now he has found someone whom he will have to build a life with even though he would much rather be with you, sucky situation but oh welp… you both had the chance to do something about it but never did, and now all you can do is regret everything.

    Time for you to end this friendship relationship cause it will effect any other Relationship with other men to flourish when you got him on the back burner. Time to move on lady, count your loss and start fresh.

    #850640 Reply

    Yeah he liked you so much that he couldn’t even break up with his girlfriend before telling you. Not a guy you need to be friends with, just cut ties before you become a step mom.

    #850657 Reply

    I don’t think you need to regret anything. This wasn’t a great passion: frankly, you both weren’t so much in love. He told you he had met an other girl: the end. I understand perfectly your refusal to resume your relationship after that. You are not there to be his second choice. Let him go: his choices, his life. This wasn’t the love of your life. You will meet a better partner than that. And don’t be friends either. You were no friends, just lukewarm lovers.

    #850665 Reply

    If the two of you really had a strong connection that one hour drive wouldn’t have made any difference in your relationship. That just shows it was an okay relationship but nothing deep. That he found time to get involved with another woman rather than drive an hour to see you shows that he wasn’t that invested. The same for you not driving the hour to see him. You weren’t that invested.

    I think you dodged a bullet here. As bagge says, if he was still seeing her while trying to get back with you he isn’t worth your time. Maybe he started seeing her while still seeing you. He’s also stupid enough to be having unprotected sex. You are so much better off without this guy.

    No need to be friends. If you do happen to see him say hi and if he has his baby with him give him some compliments about the baby then go on your way happy that you aren’t tangled up in his life.

    #850671 Reply

    I mean, they have mutaul friends and she’s bound to run into him. Be polite, but didn’t be more than distant social friends. It wasn’t a long lost love affair, he broke up with you. An hour drive was too much for you both to overcome? It’s not something you lost. It’s a path not taken. It might be awkward when you see him but you’ll meet someone else and time will help, too.

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