Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Still living together while filing for separation

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  • #928067 Reply
    avatarHollyMolly777
    Participant

    This is a follow up to my situation. I am waiting for the separation papers so husband and I can sign them. He lives in my house and I am having a really difficult time. I obviously have to pay for everything and take care of everything. I feel used and it makes me very angry. Of course, I married because I loved this person and now it is really hard for me that we live together but can’t be together. It makes it difficult as well because sometimes we found ourselves still talking about what had happened but we end up fighting. It hurts me that I have to divorce and I dread the day he actually leaves and I will be by myself. Do you have any tips on how I should act or carry myself during this time because I feel like he just used me and well I would like to keep whatever dignity I have left…

    #928133 Reply
    avatarAnge
    Guest

    If possible I’d probably try and get into a therapist if I were you. You can work through a lot of your anger there and hopefully be a bit calmer when you have to deal with your husband.

    Otherwise I’d make sure everything you’re doing is water tight with a lawyer and see how quickly you can get him out of your house and paying for his own things. If possible too just don’t engage with him. Don’t let him goad you into a fight, don’t try to talk to him to get sense out of him or any sense of ‘why’ this has happened, he’ll probably use it to annoy you and I doubt he cares. People who like to pick on others find it very difficult to do so if they don’t get the reaction they’re looking for. Google the ‘grey rock method’ if necessary, it’ll teach you how to stay neutral in the face of such behaviour.

    Also definitely don’t do things like cook for him, wash his clothes or clean up after him!

    #928898 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    Can you live more like roommates and not a couple? Come & go as you please, eat separately, don’t shop or clean for him. Don’t remind him his appointment is tomorrow. That creates space even though you’re sharing a roof. Do some reading about cohabitating with an ex, its a common occurrence especially since the financial crisis from a few years back. I’m sure there’s some good sanity saving tips & its always nice to not feel alone in a crappy situation.

    Always consult a lawyer before you do anything tempting like shut off the utilities and go stay with your family. That can backfire and screw you in court later. Save receipts for anything you pay for. Good luck!

    #929742 Reply
    PheebersPheebers
    Participant

    This is really, really good advice. Treat him like a roommate, be courteous but independent, keep amazing records, and don’t do ANYTHING without consulting a lawyer.

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