Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Thanks DW

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  • #68688 Reply

    I don’t know if I ever properly thanked the DW community for getting me through the last few years. Even after I got my new job and wasn’t able to comment as often as I like, I am still on here every day (and now I’m on more at work too because I figure if other people are on Facebook all day, there’s no reason for me to avoid DW).

    Anyway, a lot of the advice I’ve been given about my sister and my husband has kept me grounded and not so crazy. Soon I might even seek advice on my MIL, but I’m not ready to go there yet. Anyway… thanks everyone for being there. It’s great to feel like party of a community and it’s great to know I have people to turn to if I need advice, even if it’s not what I want to hear. DW kept me sane for the 3 years that my husband was gone. And he laughs now because sometimes we’ll hear a problem a friend is having and it will remind me of a letter or a forum thread and I’ll jump on DW to find the advice that was given.

    #68694 Reply


    I feel the same way some days.  Sometimes, there are just times where I can’t figure out the absolute best way to go about something and I can’t consult my in-person circle of people, so I turn to the DW community.  The DW community isn’t as “invested” in my life as someone here within my in-person community would be.

    We’ve become a great support network for each other.

    #68696 Reply

    Yeah, I honestly have no idea where I’d be without DW. As frustrating as it’s been at times, this is the reason I left my ex so quickly. It’s the reason I got over him so quickly and was able to meet the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Processing domestic violence… without this community… I don’t have any idea what would have happened. I might have gone back to him.

    I was thinking about that this morning (and I am now drunk, so I apologize), but I was thinking about all the details I left out when writing about the assault. Details like previous violence, current contact… I was in major denial. I finally got around to reading ‘The Gift of Fear’ and the chapter on DV- holy hell- there’s a list of 30 signs that could indicate abuse… and my ex had 15 of them. Christ. It was eye opening.

    Anyway, I’m wine drunk and rambling, but I wish I could give everyone who helped me process that really shitty thing I went through a big hug. And I am not a hugger, so that is a big deal! But yeah, big thanks. As happy as I am now, this community actually knows what I went through to an extent, as it was unfolding, and I’ll stick around as long as it’s here 🙂

    #68697 Reply

    I’m sure I’ve posted this before, but I will post this again… just in case:

    .   http://www.thehotline.org/


    There are 5 types of actions or behaviors specific to Domestic Violence by the Abuser to the “Victim”
    Financial/Social, Emotional, Sexual, Physical, & Psychological

    There are 60 behaviors on this list:
    1. belittling (E)
    2. isolating (E)
    3. dominating (PSY)
    4. possessiveness (PSY)
    5. extreme jealousy (PSY)
    6. controlling finances (PSY)
    7. slapping (PH)
    8. kicking (PH)
    9. punching (PH)
    10. hitiing (PH)

    11. choking (PH)
    12. burning (PH)
    13. shaking (PH)
    14. shoving (PH)
    15. threats with weapons (EM)
    16. making accusations (EM)
    17. manipulating with lies (EM)
    18. threats of suicide (EM)
    19. making all decisions (EM)
    20. demanding attention (EM)
    21. blaming (EM)
    22. accusations of flirting or looking at others (EM)
    23. harassing (EM)
    24. intimidating (EM)
    25. interrogating repeatedly (EM)
    26. ignoring (EM)
    27. humiliating (EM)
    28. withholding affection (EM)
    29. breaking possessions (EM)
    30. hurting pets (PH)
    31. labeling as stupid/crazy (EM)
    32. name calling (EM)
    33. screaming (EM)
    34. threats and violence (EM)
    35. put downs (EM)
    36. threats of abuse (EM)
    37. yelling (EM)
    38. continuous critizing (EM)
    39. insulting values (EM)
    40. insulting life choices (EM)
    41. insulting family (EM)
    42. degrading you in public (EM)
    43. cutting/scratching (PH)
    44. attack with weapon (PH)
    45. hitting with objects (PH)
    46. restraining (PH)
    47. pushing/throwing (PH)
    48. hair pulling/cutting (PH)
    49. pinning down (PH)
    50. throw objects (PH)
    51. punching walls (PH)
    52. arm twisting (PH)
    53. biting (PH)
    54. spitting (PH)
    55. mind games (PSY)
    56. humiliation (PSY)
    57. silent treatment (PSY)
    58. stalking (PSY)
    59. surveillance (PSY)
    60. making you think you are crazy/telling others you are crazy (PSY)


    #68702 Reply

    I’m pretty sure if I’d had DW when I was going through all the crap with my abusive ex, I would have gotten out of the situation A LOT sooner. I had no idea what resources were available to me and I felt so alone and isolated and refused to tell anyone what was going on, out of shame, but if DW had been available to me it might have been different. And this was the first place I turned when I broke up with my other ex and everyone was so lovely. HUGS ALL AROUND.

    #68705 Reply

    I think that if DW had existed when I was young, I would have had an entirely different life.  Hard to even imagine how it would have been if there had been Wendy and a group like this of intelligent, experienced, intuitive, blunt, kind people like this to help figure things out along the way.

    #68707 Reply
    Dear Wendy

    This is so gratifying to hear, thank you.

    #68710 Reply

    I know that it was a typo- but we really are a party of a community! It’s nice to feel so involved with everyone, especially since it is so hard to make friends as an adult although I’m finally getting the guts to ask people out on friend-dates. I really appreciate everyone here as well, no one has told me off for letting my son swallow me whole since that is all I ever talk about anymore (but really, he is so 24/7 in his care that I don’t have anything else to talk about) and it is so helpful to know that if I have an issue that I can bring it here!

    #68713 Reply

    I have to agree. I haven’t sought advice yet, but I do love this site a lot. I am new, but I do really look forward to getting on the site and forums.  I wish I had interacted on here when I was going through the end of my relationship last summer, my pregnancy, etc., I think my sanity would have been better.

    #68723 Reply

    When I first discovered DW, I was struggling to get over some issues from the past. Although I didn’t write in for advice, this site gave me so much insight about people and relationships; it helped me figure out where I was and where I wanted to be.

    Oh, and I definitely think of DW as a party.

    #68726 Reply

    yep, DW is my favorite.

    #68727 Reply

    I’m with D2.  I’ve never written in for advice but I feel like I’ve gotten so much more compassionate and understanding since reading and being involved in the community.  I’ve learned things about myself I didn’t even know I didn’t know – if that makes sense.

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