Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

The guy I’m dating told me he subscribed to an only fans recently

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice The guy I’m dating told me he subscribed to an only fans recently

  • This topic has 42 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by avatarron.
Viewing 7 posts - 37 through 43 (of 43 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #963509 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    For the record, since it was brought up, we’re both monogamous but both open to non-monogamy, and really don’t get jealous very easily.

    I’m not saying people should be force themselves to do things they are uncomfortable with. The points that I wanted to make was that there isn’t that much of a difference from traditional pornography and only fans, and it’s worth understanding the difference. It strikes me as a common misconception that OnlyFans is like paying for an online girlfriend when for the most part, it’s mainly just adult content where the performer is paid more-or-less directly, and content is regulated more thoroughly than the PornHub-content farms.

    But I can understand now that for some paying the performer directly is the over the line. I do think it’s always worth understanding where and why our lines are drawn, but we can set them wherever we want.

    #963517 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    It’s not really even about paying the performer “directly,” it’s about paying at all really, following the same person over time, possibly interacting with them (cam stuff), and maybe even knowing them.

    No one wants their boyfriend or husband hitting the strip club for lap dances regularly, particularly with the same dancer. No one wants him paying for cam girls. No one wants him following certain women and paying for their content. Even porn stars, like someone brought up. I mean, I guess some women are? Maybe? But most, no. I guess this isn’t getting through, but I thought I’d try to explain one more time.

    #963521 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Genuinely Kate, I appreciate and understand your perspective. Your position is probably closer to the typical norm than mine. I need to be reminded from time to time as someone in a potentially non-monogamous relationship that my view is often well outside of the norm.

    #963549 Reply
    avatarDonna
    Guest

    Welp, I’ve literally reached the age, and been out of the dating scene so long, that I have no idea what ‘only fans’ is, nor do I want to. For better or worse, I have been married through Tinder, Hinge and all the rest of everything that has gone with the smartphone era. From what I understand, I’m not missing a thing.

    #963550 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Super helpful, Donna.

    #963603 Reply
    avatarAndrea Letsen
    Participant

    You definitely should have been upfront and honest about how it made you feel when he told you. Now, all that’s left is to tell him.

    Whether you want to carry on the relationship dependant on the outcome of that conversation is up to you.

    It is okay to have boundaries, you don’t have to feel ashamed of them, or that you are ‘lesser’ than other women because you have certain boundaries they might not have. Wanting to be the ‘cool, easy going girl’ often falls in line with being the doormat. You can be the cool and easy going girl in a relationship where your boundaries and feelings are respected.

    People have different boundaries in relationships. What I consider fine might not be fine for others. What I consider crossing a line might not be for others. As long as the boundaries are reasonable and healthy, you have no reason to not to stick by them.

    #963615 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    Yes, have that specific conversation, but know your answer prior to conversation and stick with it: what is the minimum verbal response and subsequent action which will make you comfortable to remain in this relationship? That’s the red line and if he doesn’t willingly step back onto the right side of the line, then you must MOA. At once, because if he doesn’t accept your red line now, he never will. Doesn’t make him awful; definitely makes the two of you not compatible. Only you know that this is or isn’t definitely a deal-breaker for you. You must know if it is or isn’t, before that discussion.

Viewing 7 posts - 37 through 43 (of 43 total)
Reply To: The guy I’m dating told me he subscribed to an only fans recently
Your information: