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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

The Reappearing Ex

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  • This topic has 6 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 2 months ago by Daisy.
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  • #1116970 Reply
    Alexa
    Guest

    My ex popped up again to wish me happy birthday. My ex has had a pattern of contacting me, confessing his “love” for me, wanting to see me and ends up blocking me. He pulled this act a couple of months ago, I had enough and ended communication with him amicably only to be ignored and blocked then also. At that time, he was tired of asking to see me…I wasn’t ready since he had cheated on me and that is why I left him and needed to heal. There were a few times I agreed, but not when he asked me at the last minute because I have a life and tried to reschedule. He would ignore and disappear. His last words were I missed my chance and he wasn’t asking me anymore. This hurt because he didn’t seem to care or understand why I hesitated due to needing to heal and the blocking and ignore games he was pulling on me.

    I moved forward and accepted I wouldn’t hear from him again. He emailed me wishing me happy birthday, that he loved me so much, said he tried to call me (I sent his calls to voicemail because I was fed up with his shenanigans) and that he had unblocked me. I never tried to contact him. He also sent pictures of himself, telling me kisses and I was friendly but not too engaging. I didn’t want to open my heart again and be hurt all over. The next day, I wished him a Happy Thanksgiving, no response. I tried texting him also, just to see if I was blocked all over again, and sure enough I was. I sent my last email telling him to not contact me anymore. I am not surprised by what he did, but it’s the mind f***ery he pulls. I don’t know what I did this time, but I just don’t understand his ridiculous actions. Thoughts? Common sense I am sure…but it’s the feedback that I am not crazy here I guess I need to hear. And honestly, it stings quite a bit that he hasn’t grown up or matured and could seem to care less. TIA.

    #1116973 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Same advice I gave you as “Elise,” and that you’ve been getting each time you’ve written in about this guy. Block, delete, move on.

    #1116974 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    The reason he keeps blocking you, which I could deduce before reading your Elise post, is that he has a girlfriend.

    You don’t need any insight into his behavior other than that he’s a shitheel.

    #1116977 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Yeah, he’s got a steady gf and when you don’t respond fast enough for him to get laid easily, he blocks you so his gf doesn’t see the messages. I don’t say that to be insulting, it’s literally what he’s doing. He’s insulting. You should block him for good and move on.

    #1116979 Reply
    peggy
    Guest

    What Kate said. And think of this, if you were in a relationship again with him,it would be like this all the time. A rollercoaster of drama. You are well out of this, he is an flaky and immature guy.

    #1116980 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    I responded to your other letter yesterday (sorry for the bad writing/grammar, I was watching football), but didn’t see this one.

    Wanted to respond to tell you that you are not crazy. But you do need to take control of what/who you allow to have access to you. Block him everywhere. Stop responding/reaching out for any reason — you’re contributing to the problem.

    Maybe you’re hoping he’ll change his mind about you and realize what he’s lost. But even if he did, you’d never trust him again.

    If you go to your other thread and read my response there, I went through something kiiinda similar years ago (though I did not ever reach out to my ex, he was always the one reaching out to me). I know how horrible being cheated on feels and the unseen damage it can do. Find a good therapist.

    I don’t believe that “once a cheater, always a cheater” saying. But I do believe that cheaters have internal shit to sort through. I do believe in that saying “wherever you go, there you are,” though. A guy like this who I promise you will never look inward to understand why he’s treating women horribly will not be a good partner, not to you, not to anyone. Let him be miserable in his own company.

    I promise there are nice, good guys out there who will treat you with kindness, respect, and love.

    #1117037 Reply
    Daisy
    Guest

    You don’t owe an ex your friendship, your kindness, or your attention. It can be really hard to completely let go, but trust me, it is the absolute best thing for your mental health and happiness.

    Block him everywhere, and if he does manage to somehow get through to you, DO NOT RESPOND. Go completely silent and he will eventually get the message and give up.

    Every single time you respond to him, even to tell him to stop contacting you, you are reinforcing to him that he can keep stringing you along whenever he wants. Stop rewarding his bad behavior and eventually he will leave you in peace.

    Trust me — my ex strung me along for almost a year after we broke up, insisting that he really did still love me and want to be with me (but not doing what was necessary to actually make that happen). It was soooo hard to give up on hoping and to give up those dopamine hits from seeing his name pop up on my phone. But I finally cut all contact and I am infinitely happier now. I’m very much over him and in a really happy, loving, trusting relationship that I never would have found if I let the ex keep me holding out for the next random contact.

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