The woman that has everything
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@WorriedFriend When people say social media isn’t real life, they don’t mean those moments never happened. What they mean is that people curate their feed. Social media is performative. People post their highlights so that their friends and family see only the best of the best. So sure, not everyone who goes abroad with their husband is on the brink of divorced — that was just an example of what people can easily hide with by picking and choosing what they share online. But on the flip side, just because they go abroad doesn’t mean their life is perfect. All it means is that they went abroad and took a nice photo. Also? While people may not be photoshopping every photo, they are often using filters that are built into these apps and there are options like FaceTune that can modify your appearance. You’d maybe find it interesting to visit some of the Instagram Vs. Reality trends.
Regular people post their best moments on Instagram, things that look good. You’re not seeing what’s going on with them the other 23 hours a day, and you don’t know how they’re really feeling. That’s why it’s not reality. And that’s just regular people. Influencers? What they post is definitely not reality. They are displaying whatever it is they need to display to *make money.* It is completely staged. They get paid to say they use products that they do not use. My friend at work is a product manager and was actually writing content for some mommy influencers’ sponsored posts to talk about life insurance with our brand on the post. One of the posts showed the mom and dad and kids waking up looking perfect and gorgeous with adorable matching PJs on and smiling as they got ready for the day, not a hair out of place. That is a performance. That is not real life. I agree with the recommendation to check out some “Insta vs Reality” accounts if you’re having trouble distinguishing.
There’s also a woman my husband used to work with who posts a ton of pics of her and her husband, and now her baby, looking like they have the perfect life. She met up with us for brunch a few years back. Her arm was in a cast. She said she fell on the curb. Her OTHER arm had bruises on it. Finger marks like someone roughly grabbed her. It made me remember she’d posted before from the ER with a leg or foot injury. So yeah.
Another example, last year we stayed at a nice resort. One day we saw 4 VERY fashionably dressed people coming up from the beach. I was like, that has got to be an influencer. I checked the resort’s story and yes, it was a female influencer with over 2m followers, doing a photo shoot on the beach with her hubs and another couple. They posted stories that made it appear they were chilling and having a wonderful time. You would have thought they were there on vaca. I think in reality they were there for one night, and working the whole time so they could get their requisite number of sponsored posts. Then they were off to something else. Were they actually there? Yes. Was it what it looked like? Definitely not. And sure, me and my husband were there for a week, but it was a splurge and usually we go to a more budget place. Plus, what are we doing the other 51 weeks of the year? Mostly working. The vast majority of the time I’m eating a shit sandwich and in bed at 7pm.
And, all too often the expensive facade ends in personal bankruptcy for a family who is maxed out on credit and has no financial reserve. The first significant bump, and we all will have financial bumps, pushes them over the cliff.
I will also add, I don’t think most regular people who post to social media do so with the intention of deceiving people into thinking their lives are perfect. The divorced friend I mentioned? I think her vacay photos made it to social media because those were the actual fun times in her marriage… they weren’t miserable all the time.
When I was new to my city, I posted a bit to IG. I’d moved by myself. I’d share cool-to-me things I was doing or seeing. Granted, IDK what the perception of my feed was, but I know I’d caption my posts about how excited I was to be here — because I very much was — but it was also a lonely experience and nobody who took the posts at face value would’ve known. However, I think my loneliness could’ve been obvious to anyone paying attention to the uptick in posts. I was using social media as a tool to feel connected. I doubt I’m the only one who has done that.
Not to mention, we probably all also know someone who “vaguebooks” or downright overshares their problems on social and found it odd that they put so much of themselves out there like that. People will have negative opinions — like, “oh, she’s just asking for attention” — even if someone is making an attempt to “be real” on the internet.
Because again, it’s not real. It’s a snippet of a life and that life is probably full of ups and downs.
Other than the actual influencers out there(who have a completely different agenda), we usually only share the good parts on social media right? I think the LW is wanting good things like vacations n stuff in her life that she can also share. That doesn’t mean the bad parts of life will go away. (Its just that we don’t share them on social media).And some people also share the bad parts. Just go on LinkedIn. With the US economy on the brink of a recession, you can see how many ppl it has impacted in terms of jobs. Its just being mature enough to understand that life has good and bad parts. No harm in wishing for some good experiences that she can also post on social media.
Wanting good things to happen *so that she can share on social media* is another unhealthy social media behavior. I hope LW wants more for her life so that it’s the most fulfilling for her and not for the online optics.
As an aside, I’ve noticed Gen Z will film themselves crying and put that on social media, and I think it’s so weird. Never have I been mid-sob and thought to myself, “You know what? I better start filming this.”
