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Dear Wendy

Think Daughter is lying

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This topic contains 49 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar Amber 5 days ago.

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  • #843064 Reply
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    The Hound
    Member

    My 10yr old daughter was being told off about the cheek given to her grandad,she then claimed that he has put his hand down the front of her pants on several occasions.
    I confronted my father who strongly denies this and can’t believe it .
    He has since paid and passed a polygraph test with flying colours .

    My daughter still insists this has happened ,the police,social work are now getting involved as I had to report it.

    I am a complete mess and don’t know how to get the truth .

    #843067 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I believe her. That’s not something a kid would just say in response to a scolding. It would make sense to me that she acted out because she’s angry with him, and then she tried to tell you what’s up.

    And look, a polygraph that he arranged and paid for? Not sure how that would hold up in court.

    #843068 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Why don’t you believe your daughter?

    #843069 Reply
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    The Hound
    Member

    Tbh it wasn’t about holding up in court as it wouldn’t be accepted in the UK anyway it was more to try and show he’s telling the truth,he was really upset afterwards.
    On the other hand my daughter still insists this has happened although couple little details are different when i have asked about where,when and how.

    I will never get over myself of she’s telling the truth but every inch of my gut is telling me it didn’t happen. There’s no more I can ask or do I’m just hoping the professionals can get the truth.

    #843070 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I doubt there’s any way to “get the truth” in terms of proof that would satisfy you. I think it’s more important to stand behind and support your daughter than to chase some definitive truth.

    #843072 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Also, as we learned from Christine Blasey Ford during her testimony, when someone is being sexually assaulted, their entire focus is going to be on what’s happening to them in that moment, and they may well not remember details that are peripheral to that, like dates or exact locations. That’s the way the brain works under trauma.

    Again though, why do you not believe her?

    #843073 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Also curious what her other parent thinks? Are they in the picture? Are you her father or mother?

    #843074 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    And sorry to bombard you with questions, but have you done any research on this topic? It’s extremely rare for kids to make false accusations like this, because it’s not in their interest to do so, and because they lack the sexual awareness to make up a story. Extremely rare. A lot of the time, they actually don’t tell anyone. It’s also normal for the details to change a bit, as kids don’t experience the world the same way adults do.

    #843075 Reply
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    dogmom

    Yeah, I know you said you’re not thinking in terms of “holding up in court,” but polygraphs are notoriously unreliable which is why they aren’t used in court cases anymore. So … that doesn’t mean anything.

    #843077 Reply
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    Fyodor

    If there is any chance this happened, you need get your daughter into therapy.

    #843078 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    Okay how about putting it this way – let’s aside whether or not it’s true.

    A ten year old saying something like this means something is SERIOUSLY wrong. That’s just not a normal thing to say, even if it is a lie. She needs love, support, and counseling. She should be kept away from her grandfather as he’s obviously very distressing for her to be around. For whatever reason.

    She’s your child, it’s clear she’s going through some sort of crisis. She needs her mother. She is a child. Just be there for her.

    #843079 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    There’s only a very slim chance it did *not* happen, because false sexual abuse accusations by children are extremely rare.

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