Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Think Daughter is lying

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This topic contains 49 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar Amber 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #843080 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    Or her father, if you are her father. Just…she’s a kid going through something very serious. Just be the parent and be there for the kid.

    Her grandfather is an adult. He can handle his own. Worry about the kid.

    #843081 Reply
    FireStar
    FireStar
    Participant

    Whether or not it happened, your daughter needs help and professional support. Get her into therapy. I’ve read cases where children have been abused but don’t identify the actual perpetrator immediately, transferring the blame to someone else initially. Therapy will help if that’s the case… and therapy will help if it isn’t. I understand you love your parent but your job is to support your daughter.

    #843082 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    Also her mouthing off is another concerning signs.

    Kids often act out in response to something.

    #843084 Reply

    You need to support your daughter. It’s incredibly rare for a child to make stuff up like this. Misremembering details or details changing means nothing. I know you don’t want it to be your dad, but the worst thing you could do is not believe her. She’ll never trust you again. It will break your relationship apart.

    Call and schedule an appointment with a child psychologist. Believe her.

    #843086 Reply
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    Fyodor

    “There’s only a very slim chance it did *not* happen, because false sexual abuse accusations by children are extremely rare.”

    I wasn’t implying anything about the odds and I agree with you. My point was that even if he is skeptical, even a small chance that is daughter was sexually abused makes it imperative that she speak to a professional.

    #843096 Reply
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    The Hound
    Member

    Yes I am her father , I love my daughter hence the reason why I took her to the police station to report it.
    It is now in the hands of police,social work and health board . Been waiting 3 days now for someone to come out it’s a disgrace.
    My wife is in the picture shes struggling too we don’t know what to believe,yes we have been supportive of my daughter ,been researching been thinking,thinking and thinking.

    My conclusion is if my dad has done this I will kill him myself and everything I ever trusted ,believed he is has been wrong.
    If my daughter has made this up because she was getting the laptop taken off her then I will big her and get her straight into therapy.

    #843098 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Look, you don’t have to kill your dad. You can have complex feelings toward him.

    At the same time, you can support your daughter, make her feel heard and believed, and keep her away from her accused abuser. That’s your responsibility as a parent! Your responsibility is not to try to prove she’s lying, or decide it would be better if she’s making this up so you don’t have to feel some type of way about your father.

    It makes me feel sick how girls aren’t believed when they’re being abused. Do you know how often girl children are abused by male family members, including their own fathers and brothers, and mom turns a blind eye or calls her a liar?

    ETA one in FIVE girls under 18 is sexually abused, and it’s almost always a trusted person close to them, usually a family member. In those rare cases where a false allegation is made, it’s generally in the context of a custody battle, where an adult is leading the child. Kids *almost never* make up something like this on their own.

    Do you seriously think a child would *go to the police and report her grandfather* if she didn’t seriously believe he’s abused her? Kids don’t make up stuff like this in reaction to being grounded or punished, that’s not a thing. It’s almost certain that your daughter was sexually abused, and you need to get on board with that right now and act accordingly. No, that doesn’t mean you commit murder, it means you adjust your thinking about your dad and give your daughter the credibility, respect, and protection she deserves.

    God, I just think it’s so sick that you believe she made this up in retaliation for getting her laptop temporarily taken away.

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by avatar Kate.
    #843126 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I think you need to also not look at this so black-and-white. No one can truly tell you for a fact it didn’t happen. They can tell you that they have no evidence of it and that they think it didn’t, but no one can say for a fact it didn’t happen because the only two people there were her and him. And obviously, he’d never be like, “oh, yeah, I totally did that.”

    If they tell you they have no evidence of it, I hope that you don’t just start punishing her. Therapy makes sense. But teaching her that telling you about something that happened can result in punishment may make her not tell you if something else happens in the future. Why tell dad — he thinks I’m a liar and will punish me if I can’t prove it. I’m sure she can already tell that you don’t believe her and that you may not be the best person to go to.

    Gut feelings and someone doing a personal polygraph are not enough reason to feel that confident it didn’t happen.

    #843128 Reply

    Take her to a therapist now. What’s the wait?

    And as much as you say you have been supporting her, it really doesn’t sound like it since you’re actively trying to research? Research what?

    Believe her and act on that. That’s supporting her.

    #843129 Reply

    “Think daughter is lying.”

    That’s so fucking sad.

    #843131 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    @anonymousse, I asked him if he’d done any research on the topic of child sexual abuse, and he said he had. My reason for asking was basically, are you aware of the prevalence, and why small details may change, and how rare it is for a kid to lie about something like this.

    #843133 Reply

    Ahh, I see. I just read the update and not the whole thread.

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