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Think Daughter is lying

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  • #843276 Reply
    avatarThe Hound

    To Ron:- the polygraph story isn’t bogus ,my mother went with him .He spent 2-3hrs being grilled and passed. I have seen the questions asked and the results . Yes I know they don’t stand up in court here in the UK but they are still used in the US and by government agencies too. Who volunteers and pays £550 to do one of these knowing they are guilty ?

    Therapy will be sorted for us all especially my daughter at the moment there are social workers dealing with this case and still to speak to my daughter .

    I know I sound heartless saying what I believe but I haven’t put this across to my girl I’ve protected her, reported the offence and perhaps I’m praying it’s not true.
    This isn’t a broken family, we are loving brought her up well and maybe spoiled her too much at times. She lied convincingly In the past but obviously never on this level .

    #843278 Reply

    TheHound, I don’t think you’re a bad person, or a bad father, for feeling conflicted or feeling that this is so out of left field and out of character with the father you know that it seems unbelievable.

    It does sound like you;re doing all the right things to protect your daughter – you’ve called the authorities and are letting them do their jobs, she’s getting counseling, you are keeping her separate from your father.

    That you are struggling with this – it doesn’t make you a bad person it makes you human.

    I think you just need to remind yourself though what the focus should be on – your child. For her to make this accusation, something is seriously amiss. *What* is amiss I can’t say. But a normal, healthy 10 year old wouldn’t say something say something like this because her grandfather pissed her off in the course of applying normal discipline.

    Focus on figuring out what’s going on with your kid, and set aside the fact you’re unsure if she’s lying. Even if she is, this isn’t a normal sort of lie a 10 year old would say. Something is wrong to prompt her to say something like this.

    #843280 Reply

    I wouldn’t take lying in the past as an indicator that she’d be lying about this. I think it’s totally normal for kids to lie to avoid getting in trouble. I lied to my parents about doing bad stuff like setting a fire in the backyard, even when the babysitter ratted me out and it was obvious i did it. But that’s just such a totally different thing. It’s inceedibly unlikely she’d make this up. And your dad taking a polygraph, I don’t know, it’s not terribly convincing. They can be faked. That’s why they’re not that useful legally, was my original point.

    Just statistically, it’s way more likely for a male relative to actually be molesting a child, than for a child to make a false accusation.

    #843288 Reply

    I think the pure fact that he ran out and took a polygraph to prove his innocence is kind of weird, personally. Why would anyone do that? If he was innocent, wouldn’t he trust that the truth would come out? I mean, if he’d failed it, do you think he’d bring the results to you? Maybe he did fail it first.

    There’s a reason polygraphs alone are not used to prove anything. They corroborate evidence. Or they don’t and the polygraph is used for the opposing side.

    It’s very sad to me that you’re choosing to believe your father over your daughter. Ten year olds don’t make up stories like this. I know you don’t want to believe your father has molested her. What reason would she have to make up a story like this? You can be “supportive” all day long, but I believe she will figure out what you truly feel if she hasn’t already. Kids are smart and perceptive. Social workers are not therapists. Get her to a therapist.

    #843290 Reply

    It also doesn’t mean much to me that your mother went with him. In no way is she an objective third party here. I’m sure she desperately wants this not to be true. Moms are notorious for turning a blind eye to their husbands or sons molesting family members, unfortunately.

    Question: Do you have sisters? If so, have you talked to them about this to see what they think? And are there any other kids that your father is in contact with? Are their parents aware of this situation?

    #843291 Reply

    A polygraph is interpreted by the operator. Your father could have paid the operator for a specific result. Neither your mother’s presence nor your reading the list of questions is a valid way to determine if your father told the truth. So the test may or may not be valid. If your father passed a police polygraph, Id give it a lot more validity than the opinion of his hand-picked polygraph operator.

    #843294 Reply

    Kate —
    But, at this point we’re not talking about an interview with a trained social worker or police investigator. We are talking only about what the daughter said to her father. The result of the governmental investigation will be known by the father soon enough. They should also be interviewing LW’s father and I doubt they will just look at his polygraph and just say “alright, nothing to see here, thank you for sharing this with us, sir.”

    #843295 Reply

    Right but still, he asked her questions and she provided details. And it sounds like it’s been multiple conversations. Please stop suggesting that little girls are sexually aware enough to make up a whole story about assault that’d hold up under questioning. They aren’t (unless something is very wrong) and it just almost never happens.

    And yeah, definitely investigate and interview the dad.

    Btw I didn’t edit your post, just took your last name off.

    #843298 Reply

    I do know one girl who did make up an accusation but she was super messed up by her family situation and was crying out for someone, anyone to help her. So as other posters have said even if your daughter isn’t telling the truth here something is seriously wrong. I hope it can be sorted out between the therapists and social workers.

    #843299 Reply

    What kind of a polygraph lasts 2 – 3 hours? I’ve only heard of that happening in criminal cases with complex or multiple crimes.

    #843300 Reply

    Look – I don’t know what’s going on here. I think something is very wrong – is what’s very wrong that grandpa molested her? I don’t know, could be something else; but it is something. This isn’t normal 10 year old low stakes lying to get out of trouble or get what they want.

    Give the little girl the benefit of the doubt. For SO long (still) girls and women were never given the benefit of the doubt, while men always were. Changing the culture on that means in individual instances, like this, you give the little girl the benefit of the doubt even if it feels natural to give it to the adult man.

    #843310 Reply

    From a former employee in child protective services, it’s very important you or any other family members/friends DO NOT continue to ask your child any further questions related to the incident. If the police are involved, your child will need to be questioned by a forensic interviewer who specializes in these type of abuse and it will be recorded for legal purposes. I would wait until you get recommendations from the police or social services about taking your child to therapy. When a child is constantly asked the same direct, close-ended questions by multiple people, it may cause them to close up because they may feel that they did something wrong.

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