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This topic contains 61 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar AW 1 week, 6 days ago.

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  • #846084 Reply
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    Jessica

    I am 4 weeks away from my due date of a baby girl. Recently my mother quit her job and offered to move near me and watch the baby. We figured the most economical way was for her to buy a house w my fiancé and I. My fiancé’s credit is less than stellar so it is just my mom and I on the mortgage. We found a split level home with a beautiful family room w fireplace and bedroom on the bottom floor, three additional bedrooms, living room and kitchen on the top. The bedroom on the bottom was to be my mothers.
    After purchasing my mother walks in and announces she can’t wait to decorate her “space” downstairs. This greatly upset my fiancé since he was expecting to entertain and utilize the downstairs also. He was under the impression we would be sharing the house. Of course it was never really discussed my mother just assumed. The thing is my mother put a large sum down for the down payment from the sale of the house.
    I feel like I am in the middle now. My mother is very excited to start “decorating”, meanwhile my fiancé keeps boiling. She also feels she is entitled to her part since she is after all half owner. I don’t know how this was never flushed out before purchasing but it seems some upset is on the way. Any advice to keep the peace? I’m not sure who is right.

    #846087 Reply

    You should sit down and talk about all this stuff. Talk about all the stuff before it comes up. No matter what, you need to figure out how to communicate with your mother and your fiancé.

    It’s half her house. The bottom space should be her space, otherwise she’s going to be up in your space all the time, anyway. I honestly don’t understand why he thought she’d just live in a single room. She paid for half the house. She quit her job to care for your baby. She gave the large sum of a deposit, right? Would you even have a house if she hadn’t helped? No? Than he needs to be real about what a shitty credit score gets him….not much. He needs to play nice and quit whining. He should be thanking your mother and in general- acting grateful and gracious.

    If all else fails tell him to cut the shit because you’re pregnant and stress is bad for the baby.

    #846088 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Agree. It’s half her house, so why should she live in a single room? Totally reasonable for her to have her own level of the house and be able to entertain, just as you guys have a living room upstairs. I am sure she’d be happy to let your child play in the family room down there or let you guys enjoy the fireplace, but it’s not your fiancés room to have the boys over to watch the game.

    I don’t know why this wasn’t discussed, but under the circumstances I think your fiancé needs to see the light on this one.

    #846090 Reply
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    FYI

    Well, it’s too late to pull the plug on this plan, I guess, but yikes. Who quits a job in order to babysit?! That’s your first sign right there that your mom is planning to be VERY involved in your lives, and now you’ve sealed the deal. HOW IS SHE GOING TO SUPPORT HERSELF WITH NO JOB? Are your finances going to be all mixed together? If I were your husband, I wouldn’t like that prospect at all.

    Then again, BOTH of you let her pay her way into meddling in your business. You’d better try now, before the baby is born, to lay down some ground rules about who is paying for what going forward, who gets what space, and what everyone’s expectations are.

    I mean, a mortgage is 30 years, typically. Is she going to live with y’all for 30 years?! Of course your husband is boiling, but he should’ve spoken up much, much sooner AND contented himself with a smaller house that y’all can afford on your own. Now he has an extra family member that he likely didn’t sign up for when he got married.

    #846091 Reply
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    FYI

    For example, have y’all decided who is paying the mortgage? Is she paying half of it every month, or is it all you? All of this needs to be very clear, in writing, so there isn’t further resentment.

    #846092 Reply
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    ron

    Your future husband is awfully demanding for a guy with such poor finances that he couldn’t contribute to the house purchase. Will he be able to contribute his share to living expenses. Without more info, he sounds like an entitled leech. I think your mom is being reasonable. It is your bf you need to talk to.

    #846095 Reply
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    Poppy
    Member

    Call it her MIL suite. Your fiances an idiot.

    #846097 Reply
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    Poppy
    Member

    Oh and if you want to keep the peace pay her back 100% of what she put towards the home and get her name off the mortgage.

    #846100 Reply
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    MaltaKano

    Not much to add, but yeahhh, it’s like, mostly her house at this point, right? Why shouldn’t she get a floor? If she’s reasonable, I’m sure she’ll let the whole family use the space as needed. But really, what a great layout for a couple + another adult. Your husband should be boiling with gratitude.

    #846110 Reply
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    Hazel

    If I was your mother I’d have absolutely assumed the bottom room to be mine- there are two living rooms, why on earth does your partner think he’s entitled to both?? As your mother’s bedroom is downstairs, it makes sense she gets the downstairs living room. I’m not sure what the difference is between a “family room” and a “living room” other than to imply that the people with a baby have some sort of rights to it, and in this particular circumstance I really don’t think that they do. Especially as your fiancé is expecting to entertain in it, not use it as a family space.Like you say, this should have been sorted out long before now- it sounds like your fiancé expects your mother to live in a small corner of a house she’s the biggest contributor to–is he normally this entitled?

    #846134 Reply
    bagge72
    bagge72
    Participant

    Yeah, I mean you really probably couldn’t afford to buy a house at all if it wasn’t for your mother, and you took advantage of that, and now all of the sudden after she puts the down payment on the house that gives you a mortgage you can afford, you want to relegate her to one room of the house? In all honesty, 1.) This is your fiance’s fault for not having his shit together before buying a house (why didn’t you wait until he had his shit together?) 2.) Your life will be much easier if your mom has her own space when she’s not saving you tens of thousands of dollars a year on daycare. This set up gets her our of your hair, and lets you feel like you have your own space that you don’t have to worry about your mother always being in, and not fighting over alone time, and who watches what, and when they watch it.

    Tell your fiance he can’t play grown-up until he can afford it on his own.

    #846135 Reply
    bagge72
    bagge72
    Participant

    Also, I’m guessing you probably had the feeling that the place was perfect because your mom had her own separate area to use while she is saving you a shit ton of money, and spending a shit ton of her own money to you make your life livable.

    You’re not caught in the middle, you have to be the person to give your fiance some perspective on the situation, because as of now your mother has the right to a lot more of the house than she wants.

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