Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Three’s Company

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This topic contains 61 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar AW 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 62 total)
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  • #846138 Reply
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    Buttery

    Wow – let me tell you something I learned before I even turned 20 that apparently your hasn’t yet – If you don’t PAY FOR IT, then YOU don’t own it. I mean is her serious? And he’s got the NERVE to be mad?
    Right about now, if I were you I’d be pissed at myself for getting with a dude who isn’t doing to great at housing and taking care of his family, is fine with your mother paying for a space for HIM to live with HIS family but then thinking she is entitled to nothing. It’s pretty gross if you think about it. I mean where did he expect her to live? He thinks she should put down half the money and go through the whole home buying process to live in one room? Oh and also, take care of your child. Hmmm…

    #846139 Reply

    In all honesty, she probably owns more than half of the house, right? Would she ever make you and your fiancé stay in one room in the basement, while she entertains in both the living room and family room? Would you or your husband quit your jobs to care for her?

    He’s incredibly lucky that your mother stepped up and did these things for your little family. Instead of creating drama and being indignant, he should be working his ass off to raise his credit score and save and contribute to his family.

    #846144 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Yeah, your mom is right. Meanwhile… Your fiancé is, apparently, a deadbeat / whiney brat. Talk about entitled. That he thinks she will pony up for a house and only live in one room is fucking hilarious.

    #846145 Reply
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    Fyodor

    It’s amazing to me that did this without working out the details. Who is on the deed? Who is on the mortgage? What happens if the group housing doesn’t work out or she wants to move back home? You people are nuts.

    #846146 Reply
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    golfer.gal

    Your mother is right. Your fiance contributed no money to this house and his credit is so poor you cannot qualify for it if he is on the deed. Basically your mom is the reason you are able to have this home, and she is spending her retirement providing you free childcare. This house has TWO living spaces and your fiance is fuming because he wants to have both and your mother doesn’t get either? That is…not ok. Honestly if he’s not going to let this go i would seriously consider backing out of this purchase if at all possible. She put the lions share (possibly all?) of the down payment on this house and it is absolutely reasonable that she gets the downstairs living area. That also means your family will have more privacy and separation. Seriously, back your mom up on this one and if he says one word back out of the sale immediately

    #846147 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Idk, it doesn’t sound all that crazy to me given what I hear of parents of millennials. Also, my grandmother helped my parents buy their first house and lived with us for a while (on her own floor). But in that case the down payment was a gift, like i guess early inheritance, and she decided to move out after 2-3 years and buy a condo with her daughter (probably just more appealing to live with your divorced adult daughter than your married son with two little kids who fight and scream).

    #846148 Reply
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    ron

    Well, the fiancé doesn’t need to be unique among millennials to be an entitled ass. He most definitely is and entitled ass. LW might be well advised to back out of this engagement. This guy is likely to be a financial millstone around her neck.

    #846149 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, maybe not actually marry him until he’s gotten to a point of financial stability. She’s having a baby in a month so I don’t know if she wants to back out of the whole thing, but becoming legally bound to him is something to consider.

    #846160 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    @golfer – I disagree. If he balks, don’t back out of the sale – kick him to the curb. Back out of the sale if you think you can do with less house because they’ll only be three of you.

    OP – please tell me that he doesn’t expect you and your mom to take care of all of the bills and house work and child care? Aside from sperm, what is this guy contributing to this deal?

    #846162 Reply
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    golfer.gal

    @Lisforleslie fair point. I was thinking to back out of the sale to spare the poor mother from a completely unreasonable blowup and the realization she’d made a terrible mistake. But at that point it’s best to dump the fiance. And then set up child support Immediately because you know he isn’t going to pay up unless he has to

    #846310 Reply
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    Canada Goose

    Okay, this is not going to work out the way you want it to. As everyone has told you, your mother is being completely reasonable. From a legal standpoint, she is part owner and your fiance currently has no standing. However, you’ve put your mother in financial jeopardy and you need to fix it or you risk ruining your relationships with your mom and fiance.

    If you and she are on title then when you marry your fiance, he will legally be entitled to half of your portion of the house – whether he put a dime in or not. So, he’s got his claws in her money – does she understand that? If he’s annoyed she actually wants to use her own property, just wait until you have a child she cares for. She WILL have opinions. You can look forward to a lot of being in the middle when parents and grandma disagree, and you will be powerless to do anything but seethe if you can’t afford your home or child care without her. what a recipe for disaster. Also, where will she eat? Does your fiance expect her to slink downstairs with a tray to that one room or is he cool with eating with her every single day forever? You guys really need to mitigate the fallout while you still can.

    If the house has not yet closed, then you can back out but you/she will lose the deposit you put down unless your contract says otherwise. Unless you live in a hot real estate market, it might be worth it because sellers pay a lot (here it’s 7% on the first $100K and 3.5% on everything above) in real estate commission to sell the house, plus lawyer fees and thousands in property transfer tax. So if you proceed to ‘see how it goes’ and decide in a year it isn’t working, you will lose a ton of money unless the house appreciates enough to cover all the selling expenses.

    Sit down and talk together. Privately with each and then as a group. Get a legal document signed by your fiance before you marry and before you let him move in that he has no claim on the house in the event you split up. It’s not just for you, it’s for your mom. Do not just hope for the best. Hope is not a plan and you need a plan.

    #846316 Reply
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    FYI

    I mean, this isn’t just about the money and the living space. Your mom is now IN your family. Is that what you want? Is that what he wants? Do you and your husband understand what all this means?

    She uprooted her life (quit her job, sold her house, paid for yours, etc.), and she is expecting a LOT more than to babysit. She’s now intertwined in everything y’all are gonna do — because that is how you and your husband SET IT UP. She’ll eat meals with you, yes, because where else is she gonna eat? She’ll hang out with you, she’ll discipline your kid, she’ll go to t-ball games, all of it.

    You didn’t see any of that coming? You thought you’d just take her money and her free child-care and she gets a room?

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