Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Tired of in law situation

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  • #1009645 Reply

    I am so tired of hosting my mother in law at home. She is unable to fly back to her country due to visa related issues and also because her other child (my sis-in-law) had to move out of the US due to her own visa issues. So the initial plan was to only host her for a few months after which she’d go to her daughter’s, but that has stretched to a year with no end in sight. I have a kid who I am not able to send to school because my husband is so paranoid that he will bring the covid virus from school and his mother will get infected. We are both working and he dumps our kid on me all the time. I dont let my mil participate much in caring for my kid because she is an evil person. Even if she has to play with him for a couple of hours she will create a huge ruckus saying how she is sacrificing her own time for her grandkid and that we shd both be bloody grateful to her. She has no sense that the main reason why we are isolating ourselves, keeping our kid at home (where he is in front of a screen all the time turning into a zombie) is HER. My husband does earn way more than me so his work pressure, timings etc are much more/longer. I would happily manage my work and kid the way I want if we were just the three of us but the discomfort and irritation of having a third person in the house all the time is really killing me. I am stuck and I am miserable. I cannot bear it any more. Please advise.

    #1009656 Reply

    Bring back your son to school now. He is your priority number one. He is the victim here and will fall behind, academically and socially. I wouldn’t accept such a situation a single day! Just do it, don’t wait for your husband’s permission, you are not a minor but a responsible adult. As a parent, you are in your full right to bring your child to school, you don’t need your husband’s approval.
    Then deal with your husband once your son is at school. He has to understand that it is either school for your son or you are both out, your son and you, and you will file for divorce.
    The MIL is his problem, not yours. If he is so afraid for her health, he can rent an accommodation for her. She must have some means, right? So she can pay for it too.
    If he refuses, take a flat or go back to your family with your son, register him for school there and wait that the MIL leaves, or (that would be my option) file for divorce.
    Put your foot down, this can’t continue and your son has paid a too heavy price for this basic accommodation problem. A year is a huge time for him. Do it today! If you don’t protect him and do what is right for him, who will? If you feel threatened by your husband, go to the police or call an association for women victims of abuse because it seems that you are. You are taken advantage of, but it is not clear how you really state your opinion and make decisions as well. Do it.

    #1009660 Reply

    Yeah, you need to talk to your husband about his mom overstaying past what you initially agreed on being okay and not helping you with your child.

    #1009664 Reply

    Thank you for the solidarity, all of you.
    She is scheduled to receive her first vaccine dose soon…I’m going to push for school as soon as that’s done. Just to clarify my kid is in preschool, not exactly school.
    I was planning to take off with my kid to meet my family but he never received his travel documents due to various covid travel restrictions. Praying for a miracle so we can both safely travel and have some respite. Such a screwed up, depressed situation because of covid.
    Also this woman doesnt have any means of her own, she is just a parasite, so my husband will have to go through the hassle/expense of a separate apartment, separate credit check etc. if we want to move her out.

    #1013216 Reply

    Your husband and YOU will have to go through with the hassle/expense of paying MIL housing/needs.

    My suggestion is to let your husband know that you are overwhelmed with “hosting” his mother and that he needs to step up with either getting her her own place or contacting his sister and getting her wherever she is.
    Also, your MIL either needs to get a job or get some form of government benefits to start helping you guys out and to help herself out. That’s ridiculous. Esp. if she isn’t helping with any child care or household chores.

    I would also try to get on top of what the issue is on her VISA. Is it COVID related? Cause if not, get whatever issue it is fixed and send her packing to sisters house.

    If you and the kids are able to travel, go visit family. Take that respite/holiday vacation. Let him stay behind to figure out his mommy issues.

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