Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

To Add a Bridesmaid….or Not?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice To Add a Bridesmaid….or Not?

This topic contains 14 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by avatar bondgirl 5 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 15 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #741953 Reply
    avatar
    bondgirl

    So as I mentioned on Wendy’s post about the 17 things to discuss before getting married…I have a query regarding my bridal party I could use some advice on.

    I have 4 bridesmaids that are absolutely in my bridal party, no questions about it. However, I am contemplating adding a 5th but not 100% sure whether to do it. This potential 5th is a work friend of mine….we go back nearly a decade now and have even done some vacation travel together and I consider us to be very close. I wasn’t in her bridal party when she got married but I did attend her wedding. Currently, she and I are 2/3 of a dynamic work trio and we’re all pretty tight with each other since we’re on the same project. As much as I adore this 3rd person and love working with her, I haven’t known her for a terribly long time (less than 2 yrs) and wasn’t planning on including her in the bridal party. However, I feel like asking the one close friend would offset the balance of our team and make things a little awkward. They will both be invited to the wedding though regardless.

    So do I go ahead and ask my friend to be my 5th bridesmaid or just have them both there strictly as guests? Right now I’m leaning towards just having them attend as guests. Thanks in advance!

    #741954 Reply
    avatar
    bondgirl

    makeshift wedding day on DW bump

    #741955 Reply
    avatar
    Kate
    Keymaster

    No. Keep it to your 4 non-work friends and have your two close work friends as guests.

    #741957 Reply
    avatar
    LisforLeslie

    Nah – invite her to the bachelorette or whatever but as nice as it is to be considered bridesmaid worthy – I also think it’s really awesome when my friends don’t ask me to shell out a lot of money.

    #741959 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    +1 for having your work buddies be guests and inviting them to your bachelorette.

    #741960 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    I agree with Kate. You weren’t in her bridal party either and so I don’t think she will be upset in the slightest…

    #741961 Reply
    avatar
    bondgirl

    @juliecatharine great idea! My friend actually invited me to her bachelorette party too so I think that’d be a great solution. Perfect way to include them both in the festivities aside from the wedding day.

    @LisforLeslie you’d THINK most people would be thrilled about that too (I fall into that category as well), but I actually have a friend — more like frenemy at this point….who is basically expecting to be in my bridal party. Yet, she is ALWAYS crying about having no money. ALWAYS! Idk, maybe she thinks I’m going to offer to pay for all her stuff? But, not only is this frenemy NOT a bridesmaid….I don’t even want to invite her to the wedding. I was gonna write a separate post asking how to handle that potential interaction as I can see her turning it into a massive drama fest that I have no interest engaging in…

    #741964 Reply
    avatar
    SpaceySteph
    Participant

    Yeah I think it does depend on the person. Some people are like “I’m glad not to be a bridesmaid, its cheaper and easier” and some people take it as a major snub. So the first thing is you gotta know your people. So that means maybe the work-friend you want to make a bridesmaid would feel snubbed if you didn’t include her, but maybe she won’t. And the third girl in the triangle may feel left out or maybe she won’t. I would err on the side of less bridesmaids though, so if you think #3 would get her feelings hurt, then I’d lean towards having neither of them vs. both of them.

    And as someone who had 5 bridesmaids, I think 4 or even 3 is plenty. A 10 person bridal party was unwieldy. (I was also one of 9 bridesmaids, with an associated 10 groomsmen, in a friend’s wedding and holy moly was that a cluster.)

    I also invited people who were not bridesmaids to the bachelorette party and also did a breakfast the morning of the wedding to which I invited basically all the female guests in my age group (so like cousins and long distance friends but not like aunts or my mom’s friends). So basically I had an extended bridal party that got some of the perks of being a bridesmaid (parties) without the downside (spending all that $$$ on a dress, shoes, hair, whatever).

    #741970 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Echoing the advice to skip the 5th bridesmaid and just invite her and the other co-worker to your wedding and bachelorette party if you’ve having one.

    #741971 Reply
    avatar
    bondgirl

    omg, I saw a wedding show one time where the bride had 18 (!!!!!!) bridesmaids and all I could think was, that’s too damn many! I was also one of 9 (or 10?) bridesmaids for my sister’s wedding. At least 1-2 ended up dropping out.

    You’re right though, it’s a matter of knowing your people to get a feel for whether they’re gonna feel offended. If word somehow got back to my work friend about ultimately not adding her, I think she would genuinely understand and be thrilled to attend the other festivities instead. In fact, given her very self-less nature she’s probably going to offer to help with planning anyway lol.

    As much as I would LOVE to include her in the party, I do agree it’s probably best to just have her attend as a guest. But I wanted to see what other DW’ers would suggest anyway. So thanks everyone!

    #741975 Reply
    avatar
    SpaceySteph
    Participant

    That was an easy one @bondgirl. Give us a harder one! 😀

    #742000 Reply
    avatar
    TheHizzy

    Stick to just 4, it’s easier to plan (easiest is 0 ;))

    One bride to another – anyone who gets upset over being in a bridal party or not needs to get over it.

    I’m inviting people who aren’t in my party to the bachelorette party because I do want to celebrate with them. I leave it up to everyone if they can attend or not! I’d love everyone I know to be there, but I get it’s not always working with $$!

    I’m in a wedding this year where I *JUST* found out I need certain shoes AND hairstyle. I thought that uniformity went out after we passed 25.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 15 total)
Reply To: To Add a Bridesmaid….or Not?
Your information:




Comments on this entry are closed.