- This topic has 17 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Alberto S.
March 4, 2021 at 1:40 pm #1031487KateKeymaster
We’re not going to victim blame someone in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship. The whole thing about abusers is how they trap vulnerable people via controlling behavior, emotional blackmail, etc etc escalating to threats and even violence. No thank you.March 4, 2021 at 1:41 pm #1031488KateKeymaster
Let’s just shut this down right now. No more name calling and back and forth.March 4, 2021 at 1:50 pm #1031489AlyshaGuest
Also- how can you come to the conclusion that I expected them to “always” be there for me? I did not tell them any of the abusive things that were happening after we got married. Even after I told them, I still kept most of my feelings to myself. Yes I wanted support as any normal person would. I was not looking for them to be my crutch. I also was not crying to them about it all.
Hindsight is 20/20, sure there were signs before that I didn’t see at the time. That happens in these situations.
The sex worker thing- yeah I obviously am going to have some feelings about that. Finding out about that, and the fear of what could have been going on behind my back. Plus the thought of what if he contracted something and gave it to me. Those are not unreasonable feelings to have.March 4, 2021 at 1:52 pm #1031490AlyshaGuest
You’re right. I probably should have just ignored that one. Thank you for the insight though I appreciate the response.March 10, 2021 at 5:32 pm #1031690Canadian GalGuest
Sending you a hug from Canada. Offering some unsolicited advice. When my marriage end, I felt like a failed, thus I was a failure. But, I had two wonderful children, and they were not a product of failure. So I reframed my thinking. Everything in life has a beginning, a middle and an end. All marriages will end, either through death or divorce. My marriage came to its ending. This allowed the next chapter of my life to begin.
May I advice you to learn to let it go. It’s over. Don’t allow your ex any more opportunity to take up space in your brain rent free. I was also in an emotionally and at times physically abusive relationship for 18 years. Early after the separation, memories would send me into sadness or anger. I started to learn to let it go. I will not let him take enjoyment out of my day today! I am in control of my day today! If I can physically leave him, I must mentally and emotionally leave him. He is part of my past, not my present, not my future. I took back control of that!
Here is to hoping you find kindness, humour, shared values, good communication, and healthy mental, emotional and physical intimacy in your next chapter of your life, with whoever you may choose to be with.March 16, 2021 at 1:52 pm #1031857Alberto SGuest
Sometimes people don’t understand us when we take a choice, because is what we want for ourselfs, but if you say “best friend” it’s because he/she has been with you a long time ago and support you in plenty of situations, so, perhaps you have to hear them and analyze if what they say is the besr for you.