Hi, I’ve just turned 40, I had to move home approx 3 years ago after my relationship of almost 10 years ended and I hoped I could find my feet and get over what happened and find a new life for myself whatever that was. Since moving back home my dads health failed dramatically so he has been unwell and I’ve helped to be here looking after him which I don’t regret in the slightest as I love him, he’s my dad. However my mum has a spending above her means addiction and spends money she does not have on everything and anything, she’s racked up almost £30k in cars and loan debts (including stealing my credit card once to pay for random things) I only found out when the statement came through will all the charges. And also came to light she hasn’t been paying the mortgage of which there was £87k outstanding. What a mess! I’ve always been sensible with money and finances and planning ahead to budget and prioritize outgoings and my family pray on this. My brother who is older than me still lives at home as they have always allowed him to get away with things and he is an alcoholic. He has no ambition, no drive, no aspiration to want more or make anything of himself and spends every day and night in his room drinking can after can, causing arguments and generally disgracing himself around the house. So, me being me I tried to rationally think of a way out of the financial mess as how could I just move on selfishly and leave my family in such lending doom?! A house repossession as the mortgage was due to be paid in full by Aug 2023. So I made an appointment with a mortgage advisor at my mum and dads bank and they advised me to pay a lump sum and standards consistent payments each month so that even if it comes to the end of the mortgage term it will set us in good stead for them to possibly extending it to give us more time to pay it off. I agreed and paid ALL of my savings which was £15k I’m not in a high paying wage by any means and that to me was a lot of money, since then I’ve paid £400 each month to the mortgage, saved £500 and a separate £200 in a help to buy ISA. in the hope I can save another lump sum at the end to pay off what’s outstanding if needed. I’ve foregone holidays, nights out with friends, buying a new car (mine is now almost 20 years old and I have to really look after it) I’m careful what I spend I have to be. I spend most of my time in my bedroom or walking the dog just to get away from my family as they are unbearable, my mum splashing money around on things not needed, wasting it all, my brother sponging off my parents to spend on drink and me here scrimping and saving to try my hardest to get us out of this awful situation and all the time feeling miserable with no life of my own.only last night I heard my mum talking with my brother that she’ll be buying a large expensive summer house for the garden and when I approached her about it and told her it isn’t on how I’m being treated and expected to bail us out when she’s spending and spending is really a piss take and I flew off the handle! So I’ve paid £35k to the mortgage, I have a separate £18k in savings and I’ve threatened to just stop paying cut my losses and find a place of my own. I’m obviously still single since having zero life for the last 3 years so I’ll be going it alone,I really feel I need to take this leap away to just get out, for my own sanity and happiness even though my mum doesn’t take me seriously or believe I really would. I really want to. Am I imagining this whole nightmare? I
Know I’ll feel guilty if I left because I care deep down and wouldn’t want it on y conscience that I’ve abandoned my family but how could they treat me this way? Expect me to be happy living a life at the age of 40 in my bedroom with nothing of my own to show for all my hard work? Who’s parents wouldn’t want that for their children? I feel
I’m living a nightmare but it’s my real every day life. I desperately need advice what to do, I really need help
As I’m not getting help from my family who you’d expect to care