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Dear Wendy

Traveling with out wife

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This topic contains 122 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar ele4phant 2 months ago.

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  • #830426 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    You have a wife problem, not a MIL problem.

    #830428 Reply
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    Mike

    She constantly wishes to go back to St. Thomas and enjoy the Caribbean beaches. I told her to get someone to watch her mother. Yes her mother is an insufferable person who was abusive to my wife. In one hand she’s obligated by years of brain washing, in the other hand it’s the money, which her parents placed their values of greed and selfishness on her. They say the more entitled and lazy the person the more greedy they are.

    #830432 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    Jesus this is not a good situation.

    You really buried the lead here by making this about taking vacation.

    Assuming your account is accurate and not biased by your dislike of your MIL, this is not a good situation. What your wife is doing is bizarre and unsafe. It sounds like your MIL needs serious care – and your wife is unmotivated to provide it while also acting like there are no other options but for her to check in twice a day and give up weekends, forever.

    Why is your wife doing this? Is she delusional about her mother’s condition? Is she so overwhelmed she doesn’t see the forest through the trees. Does she not want to spend any money so she’ll inherit it all? Is it some twisted retribution for who she was treated growing up?

    This isn’t acceptable. I would advise you to try to talk to your wife, but it sounds like you know that won’t go anywhere. You say your SIL is no help – does she really understand how bad it is? Sometimes when family is far away you can tell them but if they don’t see it they don’t really understand. But, maybe your sil wont come around, or doesn’t want to come around. If this family was so dysfunctional, you may be right that sil isn’t an option either.

    Honestly, if there were no kids involved I’d say just cut bait. And maybe you still should, if they are old enough.

    #830437 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    Again assuming this is 100% truthful maybe this is a call to social services. This will likely torpedo your marriage but at this point what kind of marriage is it anyways?

    #830439 Reply
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    Mike

    I think my wife is totally delusional. Last year she said to me my mother is getting old. I said in response she’s 86, she is old. It’s not just my account. Friends and family have said the same. Even my mother in-laws hairdresser said to my wife are you insane to allow your mother to be all alone all day? I think it’s both my wife’s refusal to see the situation and her being a chess ♟ in a bad marriage in which her mother controlled her life so much. Back in 95 when we returned from our honeymoon my parents threw us a party. Both families were there. We walked in and my mother in-law called my wife to sit with her. I sat alone during the party. Afterwards my family members came up to me one at a time wondering why my wife still sat next to her mother like a five year old. My wife still does every evening. When I get upset she either shuts up or goes back to her mother. I wonder who controls who.

    #830441 Reply
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    Mike

    One of my dear friends is a NY state social worker. She gave me tons of advice. My wife refuses to listen. She and my sister in-law tell me to mind my own business. I certainly do now.

    #830442 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    This is 100% a problem with your wife, and it has been since the day you got married.

    #830445 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    Although if it’s been like this for 25 years, it’s actually also a you problem. You had kids after you knew how things were. You stayed after she refused to move so you could have a career opportunity. You stayed for 25 years knowing how things were.

    You could’ve left anywhere along the way, you could have not married her.

    If you want to be free now, go be free. But it sounds like solving your in-law issues is never going to happen. So if you decide to stay, make peace with the fact that this is going to be. There is no third option where you stay married and your wife starts to prioritize you and your marriage.

    #830447 Reply
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    Mike

    When we were young she just wanted to get in the car and go off exploring. She was never like this. She was so open minded. What the hell happened? Now all she talks about is cost. We are two college grads making good money. Who damn cares. Time is more valuable than money.

    #830448 Reply
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    Mike

    Agree. I’m going. It’s not like I haven’t been on business trips without her so what’s the difference. I just never thought I’d be playing the life of a single dude after 24 years of marriage.

    #830449 Reply
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    Fyodor
    Member

    How old are your kids? You should get out of this marriage. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?

    #830450 Reply
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    Ele4phant

    I mean Mike I agree with you.

    We are planning to spend every last dime of my mother in laws money to make sure she has excellent care for the rest of her life. My husband’s inheritance is going to be that he can spend his productive years actually enjoying his life and not spending every free moment being his mother’s sole caregiver.

    But your wife doesn’t feel this way. It’s not going to change. It’s literally been this way your entire marriage. You’re not going to get your marriage back once she passes because that’s literally never been your marriage.

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