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Dear Wendy

Traveling with out wife

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This topic contains 122 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar ele4phant 6 months ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 85 through 96 (of 123 total)
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  • #830589 Reply
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    Mike

    Thank you for your advice. In NY mother’s get the kids over 80% of the time. Do I really want my kids , especially my daughters see their mother bring odd men in the house? It’s happened to a number of my divorced friends. One piece of garbage sexually assaulted his 13 year old daughter. Not to mention teenage girls are more likely to get pregnant with absent fathers. I don’t want that to happen.

    #830590 Reply
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    ele4phant

    What am I to do.

    JEEEEESSSSUUUUUSSSSS, you are just as bad as your wife. You both seem to have this tendency to throw up your hands (even in the face of real and practical options) and go “There’s nothing that can be done! Guess I’ll live with this crap sandwich forever. Poor me!” Earlier I said your wife was playing the martyr card, but you know what? So are you.

    If you literally have tried everything, talked to your wife, talked to her family, gotten other people to talk to them, and still nothing, the next step is consulting a lawyer, both about how to proceed with a divorce, with custody issues, and how to ensure your MIL is put in a safe environment.

    Honestly, start taking some responsibility for your life.

    And forget Paris at the moment. You have way bigger fish to fry.

    #830594 Reply
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    Mike

    Forget Paris. No!. I’m so done. I dont care if she breaks her neck . It’s her neck. Let the dice fall where they may.

    #830595 Reply
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    ele4phant

    And I understand that you want to protect your daughter, but Jesus, you think your wife, who doesn’t even have time for you, is going to immediately go out and find a new husband who also happens to be a sexual predator? I mean, what?

    And where are you going? If you aren’t awarded primary custody, does that mean you’re going to disappear out of your daughter’s life? You’re going to move across the country and never call or check on her again or something? You could be the non-primary custody parent and still have a huge presence in your child’s life. Your child is already in a dysfunctional environment. Keeping her in a dysfunctional environment you know because you are scared of another dysfunctional environment that you by no means know is a certainty is bananas.

    One step at a time. Step 1 is starting the process of extracting yourself from this marriage and getting your MIL in a safe environment.

    #830596 Reply
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    ele4phant

    Look – I’m all for you leaving this marriage and living your best life, BUT turns out you can’t just leave. You have a child you have obligations to. There is a helpless, demented senior that is entitled to a safe environment. You can start moving towards freedom, but actually you do need to put in some work here to leave appropriately.

    #830597 Reply
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    Northern Star

    You have to think of your kids here. All three ABSOLUTELY know how much seething resentment you have towards their mother. I knew when my parents were on the rocks (for YEARS) before their divorce. You know how bad you feel? Your kids are feeling that way, too. And they are helpless to do anything about it. You are the one who can change this situation.

    I’m not going to shame you into trying to do something about your MIL. You hate her, you are not immediate family, and if her immediate family keeps you out, so be it.

    Do something about your marriage instead. For your kids’ sake.

    #830600 Reply
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    Mike

    I do love my wife but dislike her family. I truly have done everything I can do which hasn’t been appreciated and to a woman who looks down at every one and least deserves it. If it’s fate that dictates our path, let her take that fall. She boxed herself in 13 years ago making sure no one would take authority away. One day it’s all going to end.

    #830601 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I wouldn’t give up on divorce without at least talking to a few lawyers. In general, moms put in more effort with kids. Moms get them to school and fill out the forms and drive them to activities. If you are doing all of that and can document yourself doing that then you tip the odds way in your own favor. That’s why you need to talk to some lawyers. Ask them about dads who get custody. What did the dad need to do. How bad did the mom have to be. There is a strong bias towards moms in custody cases.

    A woman who is wrapped up in her mom but who has a minor child at home would be the perfect target for a pedophile. He would be so understanding of her need to care for her mom and so willing to fill in at home.

    #830602 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    What NorthernStar said. Although I don’t think Mike wants real advice. I think he wants to vent and he wants people to agree with him about how horrible his wife is. I think he’s full of shit. He’s had years… YEARS… to deal with his wife and her family. It wasn’t until he had a heart attack that he wants something to change and now all of a sudden he expects everyone to fall in line. This whole situation is gross and the real sufferers are the children. I mean, he refuses to even consult a lawyer to see what can be done because he actually doesn’t want to do anything. Instead he’s headed off to Paris presumably leaving his 10 year old child who he is supposedly worried about at home with a wife he finds incompetent. It doesn’t add up.

    I had an ex-boyfriend who’s parents lived together but hated one another. They didn’t divorce for monetary reasons. I don’t know all the details and it was nearly 20 years ago. It fucked up my ex for a long time. They finally separated, the mom started popping pills and eventually ODd.

    Seriously, do something.

    #830603 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I have seen a custody arrangement where dad got the kids after school and had them until mom came home from work. I think you could at least get something comparable where even if mom had the kid on a given day you got the kid after school and they stayed with you until mom was ready to be at home for the rest of the evening. That way if mom was with her mom the kid would be with you.

    Talk to an attorney and then another and then another.

    #830604 Reply
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    Mike

    I’ve got two adults sons you know. Only going for five days.

    #830605 Reply
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    ele4phant

    If you genuinely want change, to improve your life, to improve your minor child’s, you should consult an attorney. To discuss all your options, liabilities, and responsibility.

    If you just want a bitch session and to keep on living the way you have been for thirty years, well, I can’t stop you.

    You do have a choice to improve your life, and the life of your child (and maybe even the lives of your wife and MIL), but it’s going to take effort on your life. Effort you’ve not been willing to put in the last 30 years.

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