- March 20, 2019 at 8:45 pm #837927
Does “Samantha” sound like some man to anyone else? Could she be related to lie or not?
Also, informal poll. How much does spelling and grammar matter to regular readers? I know I’m probably the worst offender and I can’t promise to change myself for anyone, but does it really make my very occasional commenting unbearable?
Sometimes when a crop of strangely similar letters start to surface, it makes me wonder how much of it all is real.
I wish I knew more about Mimosa and all of the trolls. Was she once a regular commenter? Did she go bad when Wendy nailed her in a column one day? Was she part of Gatergirl’s mass type-out when Wendy set her straight? Is Mimosa happy? Is she still with her mother who she thinks might abuse her or her fat boyfriend? Vermicides Knids or vindictive boyfriends, or bored possum-loving narcistsMarch 20, 2019 at 8:46 pm #837928
catty gossip over the last commenter bumpMarch 21, 2019 at 5:36 am #837933
All right, this is problematic for a few reasons… you can’t just pick on a random commenter and say she sounds like a man. Expressing curiosity about trolls just feeds them. A crop of similar letters sometimes happens because one person posts and others find the topic by googling. And I can’t share how I know ppl are trolls because then they’ll just get smarter and trollier.
And finally it’s not so much your grammar and spelling (though what Vermicides Knids is idk), but more just like, the syntax and flow I guess? And the fact that you post on Ambien?March 21, 2019 at 6:58 am #837936
Vermicious knid is from a Roald Dahl book.
I generally pretend everyone is legit and let Kate sort them out. I also try to assume they are writing their truth, unless they clearly are leaving out detail. I am not always great about that.
I have plenty of misspellings and bad grammar, I’m sure. A lot of it is from typing on a phone. The misspelling doesn’t bother me all that much, except for when someone writes a novel and doesn’t use punctuation or capitalization.
I’ve always wondered what happened with what you mentioned about GG etc, I’m not sure what I was doing in my life but I missed ALL of it.March 21, 2019 at 7:03 am #837937
Ya the inability to read something easily due to no sentences structure or punctuation is what bugs me. Spelling less so although I don’t know when people will learn that a lot is two words. Ha.March 21, 2019 at 7:33 am #837939
Thank you Kate. In the future, I’ll try not to bring up the trolls from letters past.
I won’t pick on a random commenter, either. Samantha’s comment hit a little close to home because it’s advice I would offer up, but it came on strong and went straight to diagnosing and misspelling NPD in a way that came off a little strong against the flow of other comments. The advice was good but it also seemed like it could be a little sarcastic.
I know it’s possible I fully misread the tone, though. I only called her some man because it was a low-hanging pun off of her name and it’s no secret that sometimes male trolls (and occasionally abusers) will write in when a letter writer is getting advice that cuts against their personal interest (see example Not SP).
But in the future, I will NOT openly call out troll suspects unless there is a much more obvious example.March 21, 2019 at 7:35 am #837940
This seems to have been inspired by a post that you and a few others had commented on while I was in a meeting or something at my job that I get paid for, before I saw it and deleted it. I am so sorry you spent 5 minutes of your time replying and then were unable to locate the thread. That must have been upsetting. Please accept my sincere apology.March 21, 2019 at 7:38 am #837941
That seems a little snarky. I didn’t think you could remove threads completely.March 21, 2019 at 7:39 am #837942
There are always going to be trolls on the internet, including this site. Kate and I do a great job limiting their exposure on this site (especially Kate – thank you!). I wouldn’t feel “paranoid” about trolls or let the idea of them scare you from participating or anything. Usually, trolls are just lonely/anxious/depressed/angry/bored/unstable people looking for an outlet and some attention. For the most part, they’re annoying but harmless.
As for GG et al, it happened years ago (literally, like five years now I think?), but for those who are curious: I had something of a temper tantrum over a series of critical comments addressed either directly towards me or about the site in general and I ended up blocking a couple people (meaning I put their IPs on a firewall list that prevented them from accessing the site or from commenting) and I canceled the regular donations of a couple people who had been making monthly donations to me/the site. There was a bit of a clique and friends of the people who were affected by my actions were angry and they all left the site in one mass exodus. There was also a “secret” DW group on Facebook where people were saying additional critical and mean things about me (I either was not on the group or I left the group (I can’t remember now), but a few people would copy and past the conversations and send to me).
In retrospect, I am not proud of the way I handled things, but I also acknowledge that my behavior was prompted by a series of things. I was working so hard to make this site not just enjoyable for readers, but a viable income-generating job for myself. At the time, I was barely making any money – literally, I was begging people to donate some $ and help me break even on the costs, which felt demoralizing for me – and that affected my general mood. I felt protective of this site and defensive. When people made critical remarks about me specifically or about the site, I let it hurt me a lot more than it should (and more than it would/ does now). There were also some complaints made to me privately about this particular clique – how they were monopolizing the comments section and always getting off-topic and not always welcoming of differing opinions or comments from people outside the clique. I think all of these things just sort of fed each other and caused me to react in a way I don’t think I would now.
Handling criticism graciously has never been my strong suit – I still struggle with it and make embarrassing mistakes on occasion, but in general I have a thicker skin now. And I can say to you, keyboard, and anyone else who struggles with what and how others think of you, it feels so much better and healthier to give fewer fucks. It really does. Try to foster that in yourself.March 21, 2019 at 7:41 am #837943
Lol.March 21, 2019 at 7:43 am #837944
And in full transparency, I actually blocked a couple people just in the last two weeks, one of whom was particularly nasty to me in a very personal way and one who was just sort of rude but on the very day I shared news that one of my best friends had died, which I found incredibly insensitive. For my emotional well-being, I will continue setting boundaries and blocking people who abuse the privilege of accessing and commenting on this site by being assholes to me.March 21, 2019 at 7:53 am #837945
Keyblade, in all seriousness, Wendy and I delete threads pretty regularly. That’s mainly how we keep trolls off the forums.