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Dear Wendy

Trouble in paradise

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This topic contains 16 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar Leon 2 weeks ago.

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  • #840289 Reply
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    Name

    I started talking to this guy that goes to boarding school abroad but lives where I live. It didn’t take long before we clicked. We started talking back and forth with fast replies and moved on to phone calls that would last hours. This went on for about a month. Recently (for like the past 2 weeks) we haven’t had a proper conversation and we’ve only spoken on the phone like twice. He claims he’s studying for exams and really busy with school stuff but I see him viewing my snapchat stories. I spoke to him about it last week and he told me about how he’s been so busy and of course he wants to talk to me, if he didn’t he wouldn’t have called me. I don’t know if I should believe him because it seems kind of suspicious that he doesn’t text me or try to talk to me much anymore, like if he was really busy but he could view my story then why doesn’t he just take that time to call me? My friends say he’s a good guy and I am overthinking it and I should trust him, but it’s kind of suspicious. We also planned to meet this summer but idk if I want to anymore cause I don’t want to get played and/or used cause I might actually have started catching feelings for him. What should I do????

    #840290 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Well first of all, it takes seconds to scroll through stories, and it’s completely effortless. As opposed to a long streak of messages or a phone call. You know the difference.

    And he could certainly be really busy and not have time for long conversations.

    But typically when a person dials way back from the kind of contact you’re used to, they’re losing interest or have lost interest. And guys will still look at your stories long after you stop having any contact, it means nothing.

    Why don’t you just step back for a few days or a week and see if he initiates contact.

    #840292 Reply
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    Name

    True about the time it takes and I hope he’s not losing interest. Thanks for the advice. I was thinking of doing that then I remembered his birthday is at the end of next week, so if he still doesn’t text me should I still bother posting and texting him on his birthday? Or will that be too petty and if he does still have interest make him lose interest?

    #840293 Reply
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    Kate

    Just play it by ear. Stop initiating for a bit and see if he does. If you’re still talking by end of next week, sure, say happy birthday, but if not don’t bother.

    #840322 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    Him losing interest has nothing to do with him not being a “good guy” or needing to be trusted. Saying you’re busy is generally an acceptable way to let a relationship (for lack of a better word) fizzle out, even if your reason isn’t solely that you’re busy and that you’re just not into it anymore. People assume it means “I would love to talk to you if I weren’t busy,” but it can also mean “I’m not interested enough to talk to you when I’m busy, but if I were, then I would be.”

    Anyway, I’d agree that most likely he’s just not interested anymore. Which isn’t surprising. It’s hard to sustain interest in someone you barely know that you don’t even live near. Sure, some people can create actual relationships out of it, but it’s pretty uncommon. I think it might be good in the future if you lower your expectations this early on. Talking to someone sometimes turns into something more, but very often it doesn’t.

    But I’d agree with Kate. Unless he suddenly shows interest again, then I’d probably just let it go. Do you really want to try to start something with someone who isn’t into you enough to keep in contact?

    #840334 Reply
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    Name

    Wow that question…I never really thought about it like that, but no of course I don’t want to start a relationship with someone who doesn’t even make a great effort to keep in touch with me. I deserve much much much better than that! I’m not going to text him again or bother wishing him a happy birthday

    #840338 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    You haven’t met this guy yet, right? You were planning to meet when he comes home for the summer?

    The thing is, it’s not really a “relationship” until you’re spending time with someone in person. It’s like pretend-dating, and you run a huge risk that the chemistry won’t be there in person when you’ve invested all this time and emotion in someone. That happened to me, and it was horrible. All that build-up until we finally met, and then it all fell flat. So awkward. So much hurt.

    Stick with guys you can actually spend time with in the real world. It’s so, so, so, so much better.

    #840342 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    It is possible that he is really busy with school right now. Maybe he’s about to fail and he’s studying a lot. Maybe he’s trying to see his friends as much as he can before school is out for the summer. I wouldn’t immediately jump to conclusions that he’s not into you, or that his behavior is somehow suspicious when he has still called you twice in the past two weeks. I mean…what more do you want from him right now?

    When you start talking to, or even dating a guy, you shouldn’t expect constant contact. It’s just over the top and gets old really quickly. You haven’t even met him IRL, right? Settle down and pull back a little. Meet him when you can. Keep your expectations realistic. Don’t expect to walk away with a relationship. You don’t even know if you have chemistry in person. You could meet him this summer and it could be great. Or maybe he’ll just be better suited as a friend. I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong. You don’t have to write him off right now as a guy with bad intentions.

    #840386 Reply
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    Logan

    This ain’t no trouble in paradise, people that use that line are already in a relationship…

    #840389 Reply
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    ron

    Very true Logan. It is a dangerous and stunting thing to confuse social media and internet with real life. The idea that one can be in a relationship with a person you have never actually met is warped.

    #840390 Reply
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    Logan

    @Ron

    Yeup that’s how people get cat fished and scammed…

    #840404 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    I figure he’s looking at your social media accounts while he’s pooping. The more fiber in his diet, the more times he’ll check your stories.

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