Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

True Love

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Viewing 9 posts - 13 through 21 (of 21 total)
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  • #875100 Reply

    Sorry but you’re a horrible person. You say he was your one true love, people don’t treat their love like you did. Not only did you cheat on him and get pregnant, you didn’t have the decency to come clean to the poor guy and left him with no answers. Seriously how do you see a person begging and ignore him like that? You reduced his man to nothing. So no don’t contact him, you’ve caused him enough pain. Let him be and let him go and find someone who actually values him and loves him. You need to concentrate on your husband and your family. That’s what you chose. The past is gone, there’s no point pining for it now. If you couldn’t be honest with him then, then there is no point dragging up all the hurt now. Close that chapter and move on.

    #875110 Reply

    Everything you describe sounds like your largest worry is how things impact yourself rather than your loved ones.

    You cheated
    (caring more about your desires rather than what your partner expected from a relationship)

    You didn’t tell him why you broke up with him
    (rather let him suffer a ghosting than risk he think badly of you)

    You still didn’t tell him after you had a baby with the other guy
    (sounds like a hedging your bets move, keep him in the dark in case you ever want him back)

    You still pine over this “lost love” and live in its memories
    (this is energy you could be directing toward, you know, your husband and family)

    #875127 Reply

    He was never your true love, or you wouldn’t have treated him the way you did. Most likely you’re having problems in your relationship, or just dreaming about the one that got away. It’s not real, your just looking for something better, and you think this guys it, but he’s not. He probably hates you now.

    #875182 Reply
    avatarLexie Starr

    I’m replying to all the responses I received.
    I guess I made quite a vague post on all of it….
    The guy in my post never wanted the same things…ever. We were on again off again kinda couple.
    Yes, I did indeed make the conscientious decision to do what I did. It was conscientious, and I will admit that. Ultimately do I want him back, no.
    Do I always feel the need to explain myself, yes.
    My family always said he was mentally abusive. Maybe that is the reason why it eats away at me. I’m very unsure.
    I can’t say he ever treated me horribly, but it was the fact he wasn’t “ready” and already had the things I needed and wanted.
    I don’t even know if we were technically “on again” when my life changed by the decisions I MADE..I just know I have always felt guilty for them….maybe I should and maybe I shouldn’t. I guess that is where I am torn.

    #875183 Reply
    avatarLexie Starr

    And to add maybe I should have titled this guilty conscience….I can’t guarantee I was his “true love”. I just know the way he mad ME feel and what I PERSONALLY DID.

    #875218 Reply

    Counseling will help you.

    #875220 Reply

    When you needed to have the tough discussion you couldn’t or wouldn’t have a conversation to say “this is a deal breaker and I have to stop going in circles with you.” And instead of delivering this message head on – you started up with your now husband and ran away.

    He refused to give you what you needed when you were there. I think you liked the drama – and you don’t get that now. Emotional manipulation and push pull is often confused for “passion”.

    Therapy to know why you still day dream about someone who couldn’t / wouldn’t give you what you needed until you left for good.

    #875246 Reply

    I don’t think you’re a terrible person for ghosting.

    He found out where you lived, which means it’s not something you willingly shared. He camped outside your home and refused to leave even though you were begging him too. This is not romantic, nor a show of feelings on his part except for how controlling he is. He continued to send things to your home even though he knew they were unwanted.

    He is not your “one true love”, “true love” or anything he’s manipulative and doesn’t deserve your consideration. Go to therapy to work out your feelings so that they don’t effect your marriage and good luck.

    #875324 Reply

    Lexie – I’m a bit confused about what you want. Do you just want to apologize so you feel like you have closure? Or are you drawn to him romantically still?

    If you really feel like you need to apologize, do it in a letter, and make it clear you don’t expect or need him to respond. Don’t make it about you as much as you can. But I’m concerned about your family saying he’s emotionally abusive. If that’s the case, don’t invite him back into your life. If you feel any romantic pull towards him, write the letter and burn it.

    For what it it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a horrible person for cheating. Plenty of otherwise decent people have cheated It sounds like this situation is a lot more complex than the original letter led on.

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