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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Trying to figure it all out

Home Forums Advice & Chat Trying to figure it all out

  • This topic has 8 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 1 month ago by Sylvie.
Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #1110694 Reply
    Cassie
    Guest

    I have been with someone for 9 years. We don’t live together but we intended to move in together recently. We were going to live in my house even though he has his own property then Something happened where I was just about to lose my house. I was in a terrible state worrying. When it was happening He then said to me he needs a break away from me and he doesn’t know if he should be on his own and meet other women. It really hurt me especially as I was going through a very tough time. I gave him space and the then reached out to me after a week. when I asked him does he still want to see other people he just shrugged his shoulders. It really messed me up so I ended up getting drunk one night and sleeping with someone else. My boyfriend found out, he caught me and now I’m the evil one. He wants nothing to do with me. But I did it because I was hurting so bad. I felt like the man I loved abandoned me when life got tough yet when he was worried he may have cancer in the past I was there for him and even went to his scans no questions asked. How can I express to him how I felt. He doesn’t want nothing to do with me but what bothers me is I’m the villain.

    #1110695 Reply
    Helen
    Guest

    What did you do wrong? He wanted to see other people, you saw other people. I guess he ment only he gets to see other people while you stay home and pine for him. Let him stay gone, he’s treating you horribly. 9 years is a long time but you can’t stay in a dead relationship just because you’ve been in it for a long time. He’s making you out to be the villain so he doesn’t feel bad about dumping and stringing you along. Let him go

    #1110700 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    You may not think so now, but you’re better off without him. And, of course you’re not the villain. He broke up with you. He announced that he wanted to date other women. Did he really think he could open up the relationship just for himself and you were duty-bound to just wait for him. That’s B.S. If he calls you a villain, just tell him he’s the one who broke up. Asking for space and pondering out loud that perhaps he should date other women is an asshole way of trying to lock you into his back-burner, fallback role, while he sees if he can do better, at least in his mind.

    Back within a week and still can’t say he’s given up on exploring the possibility of dating other women. This means he tried, but the market for his sort of asshole is apparently not as strong as he believed. He’s just pissed because you got laid and he didn’t.

    You need to decide what you want out of a relationship. After 9 years it sounds like you don’t have it and were still with this guy out of inertia.

    #1110703 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    “This means he tried, but the market for his sort of asshole is apparently not as strong as he believed.”

    Lol, accurate.

    #1110704 Reply
    WhyDoWeExist?
    Guest

    Plenty of fish in the sea. The one you caught was unfortunately poisonous.

    You did nothing wrong.

    I would look into getting some therapy because coming out of such a long relationship and having other worries as well means you are probably in a vulnerable state; especially if he has got you feeling like you are the villain. You need to have 9 years of programming undone.

    Good luck.

    #1110706 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    He behaved abysmally and thought he had you wrapped around his little finger.

    Agree with the others – when times were bad he was ready to abandon you. Then he found out no one wants to date an asshole like him.

    Be glad it’s over. He’s awful.

    #1110707 Reply
    peggy
    Guest

    Agree with all the others. Plus 9 years to get to the “live together” point is
    very telling. He is a guy that does not really want to be in a serious relationship at all and certainly not with you . The moving in plan triggered
    his “freedom” cry. I would not be surprised if he had cheated or showed shady
    behavior in the past. This hurts but you can find much better!

    #1110708 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Please stop wondering what he is th8nking and move on with your life. There are better guys out, there, as Ron said- no one wants his particular shade of asshole right now. Why do you?

    Stop wasting time on someone who dropped you the second you had a problem and needed to rely on him. I agree, he’s just pissed you got laid and he didn’t.

    Don’t think about him, think about you.

    #1110844 Reply
    Sylvie
    Guest

    He wanted to dump you but was being a coward about it. You gave him an ‘excuse’ to make himself look like the victim in this whole thing. You are sooooooo much better without him. Bye bye!

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