Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › Uncle or father? I don't want him to be her dad. I need advice.
- This topic has 80 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by golfer.gal.
I’m in need of some serious advice. Okay…my eight year old daughter has never known who her dad was. To make a long story short, I was with two brothers. I know that sounds bad and I deeply regret it. I’ve grown and matured so much since then. I don’t regret my daughter, she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. After years of not knowing who her real dad was, I contacted the brother who could possibly be her dad. The other brother is deceased.
I explained to the brother that he could possibly be her dad. After looking at pictures of my daughter, he agreed that she was definitely his or the brother who passed (she looks just like them). We done a paternity test and it came back as 99.99 percent. To be honest, I really thought that the dead brother was her dad. The date of conception adds up more with him. I have read that sometimes a paternity test will mistake an uncle as the father if not enough markers were tested. Am I crazy for wanting another test? I feel like he’s really her uncle and it’s eating me up with the wonder. As far as the “father he’s not the best guy. He’s dabbled in drugs, been to jail. Plus…he’s currently on house arrest. He lives in another state and cannot wait to meet his daughter. Everybody is telling me that he has rights to her and that he can legally take her out if the state. It’s really worrying me. It would be horrible for him to gain access to her if he wasn’t even the father. I would have never contacted him if I had known how bad he was. I’m in a bad situation!!
SO….since they didn’t test additional markers, is it possible that he could only be her uncle?? Should I demand another test? I mean…my daughter looks so much like the dead brother even down to the front right tooth being crooked! The dates add up with him being her dad. Would you let this go and just accept or would you have the test retaken and have then test additional markers?FyodorGuest
Is this the same lady who wrote in claiming to be the grandmother in this scenario?JDGuest
I thought that too. Also, no he cannot legally take your child out of state without your permission.MissDParticipant
This MUST be the same lady.EssieParticipant
Gotta be the same lady. All the details are the same.KateKeymaster
I’m sure it is. I just landed and don’t feel like looking it up right now but yes.Ruby TuesdayGuest
My thoughts exactly.KateKeymaster
Surprisingly it’s not the same identifiers as the other two letters, but it’s still likely the same lady.SkyblossomParticipant
Maybe she did a search for this situation and Dear Wendy came up because it is the same. At least she doesn’t see the child as the one who will save the dad.
LW if you are indeed the mother of the child the probable dad would have to go to court to get any kind of legal rights to the child. Even in a situation where a child has had two legal parents from birth one cannot take the child out of state to live without the permission of the other. A man under house arrest cannot show up to take your daughter and you have no obligation to take her for a visit. You are under no obligation to share your address with him. If you have already shared your address don’t share it again after your next move. It is hard to find someone if you don’t know where they live. I’d stop all contact. Your priority and obligation is the welfare of your daughter.
If you want another test you could both sign up for a site like Ancestry. It would determine whether the relationship was uncle/child or father child. I don’t think I’d do it if you want him out of your life. I think you best bet is to disappear. He can’t get his act together enough to do anything legally.
What testing company did you use? We could look it up and see what kind of test it runs.anonymousseParticipant
I definitely think this is the same lady.
He can’t take her away from you. He’s under house arrest, and probably doesn’t have the money to take you to court for a custody battle. He also probably can’t prove paternity anymore than you can disprove it. I’m no DNA expert. Why did you contact him?HannahGuest
Skyblossom- You don’t know how much better you’ve made me feel! I’ve been out of my mind with worry because of the things people keep telling me. My mom has been telling me repeatedly that he’s going to get her and that there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve regretted my decision in going forth and contacting him. I really thought that he was an upstanding guy, but more bad things keep coming out of his mouth. I think that deep down he’s an okay guy BUT he does have issues with drugs, domestic violence, etc. He was calling my house every single day wanting to talk to my daughter but she doesn’t want anything to do with him. I’ve often brought him up or shown her a pic of him, and she shrugs and says, “whatever”. I’m getting the impression that she doesn’t want anything to do with him. He’s not calling me as much as he did, but he’s still hitting me up on Messenger and telling me that he cannot wait until he meets her. My daughter is my whole world and I just hope and pray that he doesn’t have intentions of taking me to court to fight for custody. My daughter would never be okay with this. I’ve lost countless hours of sleep due to my situation.
My family thinks I’m crazy because I’m wanting another test done. By the way, we went through Identigene. The results came back 99.99 percent but I still feel like the dead brother is really my daughter’s father. Some people are even saying that I just want the benefits but I don’t! Like I’ve previously stated…the conception date added right up with the time that I was with the brother who passed away. I was only with the alive brother once and it was the month before. It just doesn’t add up. I hope that someone can understand why this is important to me.RebeccaGuest
Get a lawyer. And make better choices.