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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Undecided

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  • #1098653 Reply
    Peaches
    Guest

    I don’t know where to start but I met this man online. At first, we have differences because we’re from contrasting religion. I’m Catholic and he’s a devout Islam. But we both understand and compromise so our friendship went deeper. He is a funny guy and very patient. We both call each other and talk most of the time, even when I went offline for many weeks, he will still find ways to contact me. Gradually, I began to fall for him because of his sincerity. A year later, he asked me if I want to live and start a family with him and he will book tickets for me to his country. I don’t know, but I was too full of insecurities (because I still need to fix a ton of things in my family, both of my parents were too old and I can’t leave them). I also think about how his family would accept me if I really go there, because I’ve heard from him that his parents were pretty strict when it comes to religious cultures. I’m excited, scared and looking forward to it but I really at a loss at the moment. I don’t exactly know what I’m feeling right now. I want to be with him but there a lots of things holding me back. Can anybody tell me what could be a better solution to this?

    #1098657 Reply
    FYI
    Guest

    I’m not sure if this post is fake. You can’t possibly be considering moving to another country/culture to start a family with someone you have never actually met in person?

    If this post is real, you have no idea who this person even is — or what he will do when you arrive. Does anyone you’re close to know about this? How old are you? Seek help immediately. You have zero instincts for self-protection, and that is something you need in life.

    #1098669 Reply
    CanadaGoose
    Guest

    Moving to another country to live with some guy you have never met in person is insanity. Him tracking you down when you went offline is stalking – unless you told him he could. Islam is even more sexist and repressive to women than most religions (though most are pretty darn misogynistic). If he is devout, what are his views on female dress, drinking, autonomy? What country? There is a big difference between England and Iran for cultural norms. At the very least he should visit you first. This whole idea is so unsafe. Also, it’s still a pandemic. Don’t do it.

    #1098673 Reply
    Peggy
    Guest

    I agree with the other answers. This is very chancy even if he is sincere and who he claims to be. So do not go. If you really want to meet have him come to your country and meet you first.
    I would be concerned this is a scam or con. I have seen several stories where a woman sold all her stuff, gave up her life and work and moved to get married to a guy she met on line. She had the dress all of the plans. Then she found out, once there that she had been played. He was married with kids and had no intention to have a proper relationship with her. Had used her for fun and her money. She lost pretty much everything and returned home to “start”. over I think there is a high probability this come be similar.

    #1098676 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    Just don’t do this. It is an extremely risky idea. What country does he live in. In many Islamic countries you are going to have zero rights and not be accepted at all, unless you convert to Islam. Why would you even consider moving to any other country for any other guy you have never met?

    #1098679 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Letters like this are always from one particular country. Idk if it’s the same person, or if women in this country are actively trying to meet men online from other countries, or what. But uh yeah, LW, unless you’re looking to get murdered, do not do this. He should come visit you first.

    #1098680 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    It’s definitely one of the top 5 countries for mail-order brides.

    #1098682 Reply
    bloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Why are you moving to him? Why is he not moving to you? Why has he not even made an effort to visit you yet expects you to pack up your life to come to him?

    #1098686 Reply
    FYI
    Guest

    Also, this — “I was too full of insecurities …”

    A general PSA for naïve young women, whether you’re American or Ukrainian or Filipino or whatever: those aren’t your insecurities talking. That’s your gut. That’s your instinct for self-preservation. That’s your internal warning system. No one ever says, “oh, I was going to jump off this cliff, but I was too full of insecurities.” You have an instinct that protects you from danger. Listen to it.

    It’s an especially bad sign if the guy is telling you that you’re acting insecure. That means he’s trying to undermine your trust in yourself.

    #1098687 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    I read this over the weekend and didn’t have the patience to respond.

    OP, nothing about this sounds legit. Nothing in the description you’ve provided sounds like love. In fact, my first and continuing impression is that you’d arrive in his country, he’d take your passport and immediately sell you into prostitution.

    You think you know him, but words are easy. I can say anything I want to and not mean it at all. You think he’s sincere I know, but he can tell you anything he wants. Intimate details of his life or thoughts does not equal sincerity. And being very open with thoughts does not mean he’s a good person. Please do not get on a plane.

    Do not get on a plane.

    #1098690 Reply
    Bittergaymark
    Guest

    Yeah, don’t go.

    Instead watch — “Not Without My Daughter.”

    #1098692 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    That’s pretty harsh. Let’s call it naivete not stupidity. And there is a fix: experience and cynicism.

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