Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › Unstable environmnet_Dating advice: Early 30s’
- This topic has 28 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 6 months, 1 week ago by Anonymousse.
No, I do not feel the same way about making other connections. And I am pretty secure as a person in attachment so I do not feel anxious about losing friends if I am far away. It’s the same with partner but with partner I do not want a long-distance. I am not sure about relationship but I want to date and give it a go, because I feel like I will only know when I try.
Thanks a lot!blacksheepGuest
And another detail: the part of me moving around could be because I have realised it’s the only way to maintain a better relationship with my parents. I love them but from distance. My parents can not stop talking about how I do not have a partner yet while all my friends are married and most have kid(s) too. In order to maintain everyone’s peace of mind we only have small talks now over the phone.CopaParticipant
OK, I did wonder if this was the same poster from the letter about the roommate. Glad to have that confirmed.
I don’t think long-distance is inevitable if you did meet someone. People meet while going through transitional phases all the time (partnerships formed during grad school when one or both partners have uncertain futures come to mind for me) and make them work.
And yes, if you want to date, give it a try. It’s just coffee or a drink with someone new. One of my friends who lived in a few different cities/regions in her 20s made dating fun by setting up dates at places she wanted to try anyway. So even if the date was lackluster, she at least got to try that new coffee shop or wine bar on her radar. Maybe that approach will work for you, too, to not over think.
The right partner will not make you feel like you’re restricted from doing the things in life you want to do.AnonymousseGuest
So you move around every year to avoid your parents?
If this is the pressure your parents are putting on you, let it go. The one person to make happy in this life, is yourself. Tell them to stop putting pressure on you, or stop talking. Create boundaries with them. “If you discuss my relationship status, I’m hanging up.” And do it. Every time.
Moving around constantly to avoid your parents is not a healthy way of dealing with your parents, or making a life that you want. I would really, really encourage you to find a therapist. I’m sure there’s even apps you can access in France.blacksheepGuest
I really like the idea of your friend trying different cafes/restaurants! I think you are right about the right partner not making one feel restricted. Thanks!! ::)blacksheepGuest
No, I am not moving around for that one reason, but after being away I have realised it has been better for our relation. Last year when I was living with my parents I avoided every chance to have long dinners/lunches with them to avoid the “conversation”. I do not want to cut ties with them. I also feel bad for my siblings who are kind of suffereing in the middle because of what I created between me and my parents. But I have decided not to take all the problems/guilt on me at once. When I am away I miss them and I call them to say hi and how are they doing!
There have been numerous ocassions of “hanging up the phone”, “walking away from the conversation” and these things have only changed their tone of asking things and frequency but they still do. I do not call them often especially not when I am having a bad day with the fear that they will just make it worse.AnonymousseGuest
That’s interesting. How wrapped up you are with your parents and siblings are suffering (in what way?) from what you’ve done to your relationship with your parents. What did you do to your relationship with your parents? Boundaries usually work when you keep using them and don’t falter.
I still would really encourage you to focus on finding a therapist and expanding your social- friend network, probably not dating just yet until you have way less pressure on a date…that you haven’t even had yet.blacksheepGuest
My siblings are suffering as in the discussion between me and my parents sometime creates a bitter environment that is uncomfortable for them and the whole room goes quiet. It happened once that my brother had something good to share but because my parents and I have argued earlier he did not think it was proper to bring his stuff up. Like everyone is walking on the egg shells not to stomp on anything and hurt anybody.
I am consistant with my opposition now we do not have conversations to convience each other or argue, when it gets salty it’s mostly my parents telling how disappointed they are and etc.
I have great support from my grandpa and he has played a huge role that has made my parents realise that “it should be MY choice”.AnonymousseGuest
So there’s no pressure from your parents to couple up? I guess I’m confused on what is holding you back from anything other than yourself.AnonymousseGuest
Who is foodle?blacksheepGuest
There was a comment/question from foodle, looks like it got deleted.
Anyways, when I said my parents realised “it’s my choice” does not mean they have accepted it. They think yeah it should be one’s choice (for others) but let my kid not be the weird one in the family. After my grandpa’s support my parents are not “ashamed” of me during the family events.KateKeymaster
It was spam.