June 23, 2018 at 12:51 am #758492
I’m seeing my boy for almost two months now and been friends for about 2 years before. He had this vacation planned way before, and our situation kind of happened on a drunken night when we made out and then after a conversation where he asked me what I want from him, we decided to be more than friends and try to build a relationship step by step. But now he is on a vacation with another woman, I have no idea who she is and how they actually ended up being on this vacay together. But it happened and now I am here wondering about it and honestly kinda pissed about it too, because I feel like I don’t know how to ask about it since I don’t think I even have the right to. And he acts like we are together and this is just time off from work. But I just don’t feel right that a man goes away with a woman, unless of course he is single or interested with that woman. It bothers me, and I know it will forever bother me in this relationship. So I am asking what would you do in this situation?June 23, 2018 at 2:48 am #758494
If you are starting a relationship – not yet exclusive I suppose – you can very well ask him who this woman is. He will tell you. I assume you asked him wether he is single – this is a basic/mandatory question when you begin to date. I think he is interested in you and she might be simply a friend. And if she is more than a friend (an ex or whatever) chances are high that he will develop his relationship with you, as he looks into you.
You will get over it, I am sure, don’t hold it against him. But just ask him, that is not so complicated. They way he will explain will say a lot about his feelings and intentions about you.
Then, after his return, you can expect exclusivity, right? Your relationship can go to the next level after 2 months.June 23, 2018 at 2:51 am #758495
And ask him on the phone, not per text.June 23, 2018 at 6:43 am #758511
Just ask. You are managing to come off as pretty sane (always a plus!)but this is something that feels weird to you so just ask him—calmly—who this woman is and what he expects the dynamic to be on the trip. You’re not asking him to defend anything or not go (which would not be ok) just gathering information. Listen to his answer and go from there. I have been really close friends with dudes where absolutely nothing ever happened.June 23, 2018 at 7:30 am #758514
I agree to ask. If you wrote this letter after you were surely in a committed relationship after much more time I’d have said he sucks but you barely started dating and this was planned so assuming you feel comfortable with his answer you are going to have to let it go and not let it fester.June 23, 2018 at 7:53 am #758517
“I’m seeing my boy for almost two months now”
“we decided to be more than friends and try to build a relationship step by step”
“I don’t think I even have the right to. And he acts like we are together”
So, are you in a monogamous relationship? Is he your boyfriend?
Why don’t you feel like you have the right to ask him?
At this point, I would just ask him face to face when he gets back from his vacation.June 23, 2018 at 8:02 am #758518
“we decided to be more than friends and try to build a relationship step by step. But now he is on a vacation with another woman, I have no idea who she is and how they actually ended up being on this vacay together…”
These things don’t really compute, for me. You were friends for a couple years. You’re building a relationship step by step. Yet you have no idea who he’s on vacation with or why.
So yes, you should ask him. In person when he gets back. Like, hey, so how was your vacation? Who did you go with? Oh, who’s that? How did you come to be going on vacation together? Are you two dating? The whole thing made me think about where we stand. What’s your take on that? I enjoy spending time with you and I like that we’re building a relationship step by step. How about you? Ok, so what does that mean about seeing other people?
That kind of thing.June 23, 2018 at 8:12 am #758519
It’s not confusing or up in the air when someone wants to be with you. They make it clear.June 23, 2018 at 8:21 am #758520
Agree. If he wants to be with you it’s clear. Especially when you first start dating. When someone really wants to be with you I can assure you it’s clear. My husband made it clear every darn day as I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship quite when he wanted. I had no doubts of this at all.June 24, 2018 at 1:25 pm #758580
I personally believe it is inappropriate for a man to go on a vacation with another woman if he is in an exclusive relationship with someone else. Exceptions can be made, of course, (is she a relative?) but normally this would not be okay with me. This has actually happened to me twice. Twice the men I was dating planned to go somewhere with women I had never met or even heard of before. Both times, the only reason I heard about it was because both woman asked the men if they had discussed it with me and refused to go until they heard from me that I was okay with it. Otherwise, the guys weren’t planning to tell me. Both men claimed these women were just friends, but as soon as my relationship with one man ended, he immediately began pursuing the other woman (who shot him down, by the way). The second woman declined as soon as she heard I didn’t know. So, yes, you are entitled to ask.June 24, 2018 at 1:57 pm #758582
Right but she can’t even say if they are in a relationship so.June 24, 2018 at 2:52 pm #758583
General dating/relationship tip: Don’t ever be in a situation where you’re afraid to ask questions about the status of the relationship, or to ask about things that happen that make you uncomfortable. Or, god forbid, you feel like you don’t “have the right” to ask. WTF is that?
Look at what you’re doing here. You’re asking a bunch of total strangers what the deal is with this other woman your boyfriend is vacationing with. Why aren’t you asking him? When he first mentioned it, why didn’t you say, “Oh, so who’s the person you’re vacationing with?” I don’t mean that you should have jumped down his throat in an accusatory way. I’d ask that question of a friend who told me they were going on a vacation with a person I hadn’t heard of before; it seems like a normal thing to say.
What I’m getting at his that you’re already editing yourself in this relationship. You’re limiting communication because you’re afraid that he’ll get mad and leave you if you ask certain things. Don’t get caught in the trap of “I’ll put up with anything because I’m afraid he’ll leave me if I speak up or express an opinion about what I want.” No, no, no, no.