Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Very confused…please help

Home Forums Advice & Chat Very confused…please help

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  • #1109367 Reply

    I broke up with my ex 2 months ago. He has called me literally every week since then just to “check” on me. He also blocked me on all social media for no reason other than for his “privacy”. I never reached out first or interfered in his life. He then recently started professing his love for me and has wanted to see me, in fact he has asked to see me every time he contacts me and I was not ready. When he told me he still “truly loves me” he also said he knows we cannot be together, and me being with someone else will really hurt him. I am very confused as to why he is doing this and it has messed with my head. I love him also and I am not with anyone else. I told him I need space to think and he said he doesn’t want issues if I am dating or when he starts dating. I don’t know what his intentions are honestly.

    #1109369 Reply

    His intentions are to mess with your head and control you until you get back together with him. He blocked you. You block him. You have said that his contacts are harmful and that you need space. So why are you still listening and talking to him. He is playing this game, because you are playing it right along with him, even though you don’t want to. Go silent!

    You seem to be almost debating with yourself whether you should get back together with him. His manipulative behavior says you shouldn’t. You’ve broken up. Whether or not your dating somebody else at some time will really hurt him is not your concern or fault. You aren’t together. He doesn’t want issues when he starts dating? Don’t talk to him. There won’t be issues.

    This would be a lot clearer if you said why you broke up with him, since you say you still love him. When he says he doesn’t want issues when he dates someone else, sort of sounds like he’s cheated. Otherwise why bring it up.

    #1109370 Reply

    He did cheat on me and that is why I left. He pulled me back in after he did it, and I left because I had to heal from what he did. I’m not sure why I love him….I feel so attached…but for what? This has been a very confusing relationship. I sometimes wonder if he intentionally keeps me hooked after me trying to pull away so many times. It’s like being in a trance…I would have never accepted this from anyone before.

    #1109371 Reply

    Yeah, you should block him and move on. Don’t accept it!

    #1109373 Reply

    Absolutely block him. He can list all the reasons why he wants to stay in contact but I’ll tell you the only two reasons that are true and that matter:

    1. No one likes being the bad guy. He cheated and you broke up with him. Your sadness is because he broke your heart. He wants you to stop being sad because it will make him feel better. It’s about him – not about you. If it were about you, he wouldn’t have cheated in the first place.

    2. He doesn’t want you to move on. He doesn’t want you to find someone who treats you better, is more successful, is kinder, is more handsome, cooks better, has better teeth. Your ex is a jealous man-baby who would rather see you broken hearted and alone than happy with a new beau.

    He’s a creep and you should block him.

    #1109385 Reply

    Block him. Block him here. Block him there. Block him everywhere! He finds a new way to message you? Block him there too. See him in public? Block him from your eyesight. You need to perform zero contact.

    Here’s the deal: any time he figures out a way to communicate with you and you respond, you’re going to prolong this misery. He’s clearly manipulative. He’s a cheater. Until you fully excise him from your life, you can expect this drama to continue. If you get back together with him, expect the drama to continue AND he’ll probably continue to cheat on you.

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