Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

We met last night and he leaves in 9 days…

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  • #926826 Reply

    Hi, so I’m 18 and for the past year, I have been talking to this guy. We used to go to school together and had always planned on hanging out and maybe eventually dating, but the timing was never right. We both ran in completely different social groups, (he was a baseball player and I was an art student), so we never really saw each other or talked in person and he wasn’t in the right headspace to start anything due to family issues. We talked on and off for over a year because both of us would become frustrated with the other, but eventually, as the school year came to an end and Corona happened we completely stopped talking altogether.

    That was until a month ago when he sent me a message out of nowhere. Since then we have started talking again and things have been good. Last night we finally hung out for the first time. It was a last-minute decision; all we did was sit in a parking lot and talk for 4 hours (because there is nothing else to do where I live). It was great though. It felt like we connected, and I enjoyed getting to actually know him. I mean he’s really great, he’s just the right combination of things I hate and love. Plus he is actually kinda funny and I like the way doesn’t give a shit what people think about him. Before I left to go home we kissed and made plans to see each other again within the next few days.

    I’m still trying to figure out if this was a mistake or not because I like him even more now, but we both are leaving for college; he leaves for Oklahoma in 9 days and I leave to go to Chicago shortly after that.

    I have absolutely no idea what to do because I want to see him again but I’m scared of getting emotionally invested. I don’t want to repeat the on and off talking we did for a year, but I want him in my life. I am not naive about the situation, I know that we aren’t going to start dating or anything and even if we did long-distance relationships are a joke at my age, plus I don’t think I could handle dating someone in another state especially when I finally get to know them. I am also worried that I’mjsut getting played, that he might just be trying to use me to get off before he leaves, but I hate thinking that about him.
    I don’t know what to do? Should I see him again? Should I ask him what he wants out of this? Am I just oblivious to what’s happening? Maybe I should just say fuck it and see what happens even if it hurts me?

    Sorry if this is dumb, I am just really confused and don’t have a lot of people to talk to about this stuff.

    #926855 Reply

    I would say just go off to college (do NOT sleep with him before you leave, it doesn’t sound like you can handle that) and just live your life at college and meet people and have fun. Don’t think about dating this guy. Keep texting if you want, but make sure he’s doing at least as much initiating and “work.”

    From what you described, there were plenty of obstacles to you two being together even when you live in the same town, and you don’t seem to be a perfect match. Keep talking to him, but don’t get caught up in romantic thinking about he could be the one. Let it sort itself out how it’s supposed to.

    #926867 Reply

    And yeah, sure, see him again before he leaves, just make sure you’re not the one doing everything to make it happen, and don’t build it up in your head as anything more than just hanging out with someone.

    #926873 Reply

    There’s a good chance that both of your colleges will close for outbreaks in a few weeks. Look him up then.

    #931947 Reply
    avatarPassing through

    You used to get frustrated with each other all the time.
    You don’t want a long distance relationship.
    You don’t want to just be a fling before he leaves.

    What do you want out of this?

    #935402 Reply

    Something like this happened to me years ago (minus the coronavirus part). We ended up spending every day together until we went to college and tried to have a long-distance relationship. It was a horrible mistake–talking to him and trying to be in communication at a distance made me closed off to the new experiences and people I SHOULD have been meeting while I was beginning college. Don’t meet up, you don’t want a fling or a long-distance relationship.

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