Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy


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  • This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Avatar photoCopa.
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  • #1109695 Reply

    So… I’m recently engaged, my fiancé and I are trying to figure out what sort of wedding we want. We both are pretty low-key and would want something small, but we’re still just throwing things up in the air at this stage and are unsure what we should do. I kind of want to just elope, but I know my family (there’s a lot of them) will be really upset if they’re not included in celebrating this important marker in my life, so I feel like some sort of small party should be held at least, mainly for them. Elopement for the two of us, small party for them. Here’s where the advice part comes in! I have barely any friends. Not GOOD friends. I have friends. Or friends that I used to be really close to. But no current close friends. This has a lot to do with me focusing on work, or focusing on family, or just general life losing touch type of stuff. So I’m unsure of who I would even invite? Meanwhile my fiancé has about 15-20 friends he would invite to a small wedding party, never mind if we decided to do something bigger. But I can think of about 5 people and I’m not even sure they’d all come! Or they’d think it’s weird when they showed up and I didn’t have any current friends there, if that makes sense? I don’t know.. Anyways I want a small party but I’m pretty sure I lack friends and it would be kind of weird if it was ONLY my massive family, so help anyone? Anyone been in this situation before?

    #1109706 Reply
    Part-time Lurker

    Weddings are expensive and it’s perfectly fine to only invite family. It’s your wedding, do what whatever will be the least stressful and most comfortable for you.

    #1109707 Reply

    First, congrats!

    You have a massive family. Does your fiance? Not that it matters. If you’re hosting a small party, invite who you want to and let your fiance invite who he wants to. It won’t look weird if it’s lopsided w/ friends vs. family. And if it does, who cares? Friends can be like family.

    We had a low key ceremony. Immediately family only plus our three living grandparents and six other people who it was important for us to be there. So 23 people total. We had two parties after. One for friends that same night. One for family after we got back from our honeymoon.

    #1109712 Reply


    If you and your fiancé just want to elope- just elope. Your family might express disappointment. That’s too bad for them, but you should be okay with disappointing your family sometimes. It’s your life. You and your husband are the people you need to consider first, not anyone else. You can elope if you want to. It’ll be okay, I promise. Aunt Margaret will survive this.

    Elope and have a party later for your newly joined families and let your fiancé have a party or bachelor party for his friends. Everyone wins.

    I also think it would be good for you to have a friend or two. You need a fulfilling life on all sides, not just family and work only.

    #1109715 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa

    I guess I don’t understand why it’s weird if he invites 15 friends and you either invite five or stick to just family. Invite who you want present at your celebration.

    I will also say, many weddings that I’ve been to are for friends that I’m no longer close to in the day-to-day sense. My college friends, for instance, are scattered around the country and while we’re still friends, the friendships have changed. I’m still really excited to celebrate their milestones with them even if they’re no longer the ones I see frequently on weekends or tell every last detail of my life to.

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