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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

What does my married colleague want?

Home Forums Advice & Chat What does my married colleague want?

  • This topic has 27 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Daisy.
Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 29 total)
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  • #1112932 Reply
    Aloevera22
    Guest

    I slept with my colleague on two separate business trips. The second time he said he had too much to risk losing – he has kids and feels like a bad Father.

    We said we would be friends – he particularly stressed he wanted this to be the case because it’s not just physical, he supposedly cares about me and feels protective.

    We chat a fair bit both during and outside of working hours but I can’t help feel that conversation sometimes crosses the line. Also realistically why does a man 10 years older than me want to be my friend? He’s sent me screenshots about his vasectomy etc and I thought you would avoid any subject like that given our history.

    the other day he knew I was upset by a colleague so offered to ring me when he was driving to collect friends – was this because then his wife wouldn’t know? It can be a bit hot and cold. I didn’t expect him to message me while on a family holiday but he checked in a sent a selfie which was a first, but then in the next conversation referenced his wife by name.

    I just feel very confused about what he wants and is getting out of this weird situation of still flirting and joking but nothing physical. Is it an emotional affair territory, or is he just using me to get an ego boost to feel desirable? Or is he just trying to keep me warm incase he changes his mind?

    #1112933 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    He felt like a bad father but not a bad husband? Okay then!

    He probably enjoys the ego boost to get the attention of a younger woman and I imagine would like to keep you as an option should he ever decide to cheat on his wife again. A lot of people have a “work wife” or “work husband,” but this is not that. This guy isn’t your friend and nothing good will come of this.

    If you’re single and want a relationship, get on a dating app instead of indulging your gross, married coworker.

    #1112934 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    The ways women wonder why men do the things they do!

    Because he wants to. Because you fucked him twice and he likes the attention and idea of you being on the side waiting for him. He’s probably doing it for his ego boost and to keep you potentially warm to another hookup when he is drunk, away with you on business or not feeling so guilty.

    Why are you examining his actions and not your own? Why wonder why he is involved with a woman so much younger? There’s so many infinite and common explanations that boil down to because straight men, no matter how old they are like attention from women, some especially like younger, naive, docile young women. Why are you involved with a married man so much older? You play a part in the choices you make and the things you do, too.

    He’s cheated on his wife, continues to do so and is using you for attention and sex. He’s not a good guy. Stop being his “friend” and take this as a lesson to not get involved with unavailable men. Especially unavailable, married men at work. Date available guys outside of work.

    #1112935 Reply
    Fyodor
    Guest

    I think that others have probably offered some good insights about what he wants, but it doesn’t matter. No good will come from having an ongoing relationship with this guy. Keep things purely professional and find someone who isn’t married and your coworker.

    #1112936 Reply
    Fyodor
    Guest

    “Or is he just trying to keep me warm incase he changes his mind?”

    I can’t say for sure but this is pretty likely.

    #1112950 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Yeah it really seems like you know exactly what he’s doing. You choose who you let into your life and your bed.

    #1112974 Reply
    bloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Men don’t usually sleep with women they want to be friends with. He wants to cool the relationship but wants to be able to take it for a spin every once in awhile. He’s using you.

    #1112976 Reply
    WhyDoWeExist
    Guest

    The guy broke a convenient he made between himself, his wife and God. It doesn’t matter what his intent is, he has proven to be of low moral character. Look for someone else.

    #1112977 Reply
    WhyDoWeExist
    Guest

    *covenant

    #1112980 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Just because someone is married does not mean they made a covenant with god. I agree he’s of low moral character. But what does god have to do with this? I got married and we made no covenant with god, we signed documents with the state.

    #1112990 Reply
    WhyDoWeExist
    Guest

    Okay, I’m about to go on a theological tangent, so I apologise. I would also add the disclaimer that I am not a fundamentalist against divorce in all circumstances. To name A FEW examples: a woman/man who is being abused (in any form) by their spouse has the right to divorce, a spouse who has had their partner step outside the relationship has the right to divorce, and if a partner was severely dishonest about things before the marriage taking place has a right to divorce.

    Now to answer the question about what God (capital G 😀 ) has to do with it.

    Marriage, by its nature, is between the two participating individuals (regardless of sexual orientation or gender) and God. One cannot divorce God from it. A priest/minister (although desirable) is not necessary for a marriage to take place; Adam and Eve were alone in the garden. The act of marriage involves two people (whether male and male, female and female, female and male, or whatever other combination) who God has created in Their Image coming together (not to imply that God necessary created one perfect person for each of us, that is a dangerous rabbit hole) as one flesh. God created them knowing that they would join together as one flesh, and by so doing is an intrinsic part of the relationship; for, without him, the relationship would not exist.

    #1112993 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Oh, yes we can. Everyone can divorce god from it. I did and have. God had no part in my marriage, no part in my sisters. Not everyone believes in god. Not everyone believes in your god.

    Stop projecting your religious beliefs on everyone else.

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