when someone says I should not reply

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  • This topic has 40 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by April2023.
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  • April2023
    April 24, 2023 at 11:10 am #1119787

    My manipulative ex sent me an apology email and ended it by saying he does not want me to respond. I don’t know if I will yet but do exes mean it when they say you shouldn’t respond?

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    Anonymousse
    April 24, 2023 at 11:28 am #1119788

    Just that they don’t want you to respond. That they’d really prefer if you didn’t continue to contact them. That’s it. There’s no mysteriousness or mixed message, that is what he said and trust that’s what he meant.

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    April 24, 2023 at 11:33 am #1119789

    He’s a manipulative ex; even if he weren’t asking you not to respond, you shouldn’t. Disengage with manipulative people, especially when you don’t *have* to maintain any kind of relationship with them (like co-working, co-parenting, family you can’t completely avoid). Just cut them out, delete them from your contacts, block them on all platforms, and move on with your life. You’ll feel so much more at peace if you let yourself do that and stop trying to analyze their words and behavior.

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    April 24, 2023 at 11:37 am #1119790

    I don’t know if your ex means it when he asks you not to respond. I think you shouldn’t for your own sake, though. There’s no context for your relationship provided here, but there’s really no point in keeping lines of communication open with a manipulative ex.

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    April 24, 2023 at 11:43 am #1119791

    WWS.

    An added dimension to this is that he wants to be able to sling whatever shit at you, and not have to hear back from you about it. But secretly he probably hopes you’ll engage.

    Do not reply or give him any indication you received his message. And block him everywhere.

    What is absolutely NOT going on is he’s seen the light, has completely changed as a person, and is now prepared to give you everything you wanted from him.

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    April2023
    April 24, 2023 at 11:48 am #1119792

    I guess I just feel guilty because I know I hurt him too and his message was effectively him saying sorry for what he did and telling me he would leave me alone and that he wishes me well but, goodbye. Part if me wants to apologize too.

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    April 24, 2023 at 12:40 pm #1119793

    If you feel like you need closure, you can write a response, but don’t send it. Write it out in a journal or a letter that you keep for yourself. That way, you can express your feelings without giving him the satisfaction of knowing that he still has power over you.

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    April2023
    April 24, 2023 at 1:33 pm #1119794

    Makes sense. I think I struggle with the fact that he won’t know how I really feel and his apology made me feel lots of empathy for him and part of me will always want to comfort him.

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    April 24, 2023 at 1:34 pm #1119795

    Add me to the chorus of “do not engage.” Trust me. I get where you’re coming from, but it’s pointless. He told you not to respond, so don’t. By typing that, he’s still being manipulative. He thinks he has some high road now. Delete, delete, delete.

    • This reply was modified 1 year ago by ktfran.
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    April2023
    April 24, 2023 at 1:41 pm #1119797

    @Ktfran, how was that still being manipulative? Just want to understand because that helps me process and be more firm in my decision to ignore.

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    April 24, 2023 at 1:49 pm #1119798

    You said he was manipulative while you were dating. I’ll take you for your word. People don’t change. He’s trying to get the upper hand by apologizing and saying you don’t need to respond. He’s purposefully putting himself in your mind so you can wonder about him. The kinder thing would have been to not say anything at all. There was no reason he needed to text you that.

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    April2023
    April 24, 2023 at 2:09 pm #1119799

    It couldn’t have been the case of him just wanting to express remorse? This came after I blocked him on my phone and he reached out over email and he knows I don’t know how to block emails. Just trying to get my logical brain back to give clarity a win over my emotions.

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when someone says I should not reply

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