Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

When your family doesnt want you to get marrie be happy, Selfishness i guess ?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice When your family doesnt want you to get marrie be happy, Selfishness i guess ?

This topic contains 16 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar CET 5 months ago.

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  • #742783 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    You’re not going to be able to persuade your parents to see it your way. If you love your fiancé, then go get married to him. It might even have to be a small civil marriage that doesn’t involve anyone but those legally required to be there( normally the couple, 2 witnesses & whom ever does the cermony). Yep, your parents won’t be happy, but what done is is done. Your relationship with them might not be the same, but if you make a good couple then go for it. Then you get on with your life as marriad working woman and yes you still give some money support to your parents. I know your parents are very important to you, but as you’re an an educated adult, you’ve got to make decisions that about your own wants and needs.

    The other option of doing what they want is making you miserable and isn’t your choice, so whatever you do will have consequences but it needs to be something that you’re 80 to 100% happy with the choice selected. I very much hope you don’t legally need their approval, but only want it.

    ( Bare in mind, I don’t live in a Muslim country & don’t have a deep ingrained need to fit into a society that values men more then women & family being very important …well not on the scale you’re dealing with it. But misery in being forced into decisions about aren’t making you happy is universal.)

    #742888 Reply
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    ashi
    Member

    THANKS DEAR, now i know what i have to do.. thanks for the moral support and giving me your precious time writing this logical messgae..

    #742890 Reply
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    ashi
    Member

    Thanks for understanding me all friends, Your opinion matters alot to me,,, Thanks for advising.. Love you all, ThankGod i found this website, where i can share all my feelings and have many to talk about things which i normally dont discuss it with my known circle..

    #742962 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    If you don’t need your parent’s approval to get married then you are free to marry when you want to whom you want. You can now be financially independent so consider what it is you want to do and then take the steps to do it.

    Do you love your boyfriend or do you feel that since he waited eight years for you that you must marry him? There is a huge difference between the two. Don’t marry out of obligation but out of a deep sense of commitment.

    Don’t expect your life to be a fairytale. Even when you marry the person you want life has its ups and downs. You won’t always be happy.

    Talk to your boyfriend about all of the things that need to be covered before marriage. Do you both have the same expectations about you working after marriage? How about after having a baby?
    How will your finances work as a couple? Does he assume that he will support both of you? Will you have a joint bank account? Will you make spending decisions together? Would he expect that as the husband and head of the household that those decisions would all be his? You need to discuss everything. Anything that could be an issue needs to be talked about and you need to come to a joint decision. This is good practice for when you are married. If you can’t come to joint decisions now you also won’t come to them as a married couple. Learn to talk and work things out or don’t get married.

    This is your decision so take your time and make sure you are making a good decision. This decision doesn’t have to be made today or tomorrow.

    #743090 Reply
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    CET

    LW, Definitely do what you want. Set your wedding date. Invite your family. Ignore anything negative they have to say…when they are rude and say they want you to break up just say, I didn’t ask for your opinion. Live your life and confidently make your own decisions. If someone doesn’t like it that is their problem, not yours. You are an adult, not a child. My sister married a muslim man and they have two boys and are happily married. She shares her quaker religion with the boys and he shares his muslim religion. They are learning both. I am worried though about your depression. What are you actively doing to combat this? It’s hard, but take steps to address it. 1. Start seeing a therapist that specializes in depression once a week. 2. Talk to your doctor about it. You might want to get on an antidepressant for a while to jump start your body. Ask about one that you can taper off when you want to get off of it. 3. I had depression and I went to a functional medicine practitioner. She tested me for many things and had me take a bunch of supplements. It turns out I was really off in many vitamins, minerals, the storage form of iron (not the iron in my blood), my adrenals were off, etc. It is amazing how much better/normal/more energetic I feel after 6 months of taking a gazillion supplements twice a day. She retests soon to see how I am doing. I recommend trying this. 4. Aerobic exercise is one of the best things for depression. Again, I know it is hard to start, but force yourself to start doing something. Take a class at your local YMCA 3x a week. I wish you luck and happiness with your upcoming marriage!

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