Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Where do I go from here?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Where do I go from here?

  • This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 10 months ago by LisforLeslie.
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  • #1099162 Reply

    I don’t know if i am wasting my time or not.
    I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year. He lives with me. None of his family know who I am, he just brands me as a friend. No name etc just “staying at a friends”. This has been a problem I don’t bring up too often as it hurts, all the time knowing I’m being kept a secret so bringing it up to have nothing done about, hurts.
    His ex does know about me, because I made myself known, otherwise she too would have no clue of our relationship. She has a child/ his step child. Whom i encourage him to see as there’s no need for broken homes/ children being punished for 2 people splitting up. There have been a few occasions where he has seen the girl and not told me, i don’t demand to know his whereabouts however i don’t like to be lied to when there is no need.
    waffling here..
    Last night i went on his phone. (I have NEVER done this). On Friday evening he text his ex a link to a restaurant saying “what happened to us going here”. She didn’t reply. I scrolled up, he had also sent her a bouquet of flowers and prossecco when she completed a marathon. A well done text, I get. But gifts too? When I went to grab his phone off him again and run upstairs he pulled both my legs so I fell.

    Am I absolutely wasting my time? Or being impatient?

    #1099165 Reply

    Wait a second. He physically grabbed your legs and made you fall when you ran upstairs? You need to end this relationship and kick him out, now. He’s done something physical to you. If you continue the relationship you are actually giving him permission to escalate physical violence.

    Yes, you were wrong and inappropriate to look in his phone, and to try to take it from him, but that does not justify getting physical!

    As for your actual question, yes, this guy is hiding something, and it sounds like maybe he’s living with you out of convenience rather than true commitment to the relationship. A guy who’s happy to be in a relationship doesn’t tell people he’s staying with a friend. Also, you don’t trust him. Also, he got physical with you. This thing needs to end right now.

    #1099168 Reply

    Kick him out and I would consider what he did assault. Yes, you shouldn’t have been on his phone but he shouldn’t resort to violence. That he did shows you he has something to hide from you and he doesn’t give a shit if he hurts you or not.

    There is not one thing you wrote about him that sounds the slightest bit positive.

    #1099169 Reply

    This is absolutely assault. He treats you very poorly and you’re not sticking up for yourself. Please kick him out, don’t take him back and dig deep into why you would accept such terrible treatment from someone.

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