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“Which Guy Should I Choose?”

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar dinoceros 4 days, 11 hours ago.

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  • #845251 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    From a LW:

    “I am in a relationship with someone who really loves and treasures me but I don’t feel the same towards him. We have been dating on and off for the last one year. I just fell in love with the idea of him loving and treating me well compared to other men. During our dating I met this other guy who has been a friend for some times but I wasn’t so much into the friendship such that he was the one asking me how am doing without me having to start the conversation. Recently I met him and we started spending time together having sex and all that. We were then not in good terms with my boyfriend. I started falling for this other guy but sadly he’s in relationship too and doesn’t want anuthing more than casual sex from me. I have tried accept this fact but each time I meet him my love for him strengthens. I really like this guy and am always the one starting the conversation since he got me. If he calls or texts first it has to be a text of where I am and if am available. I really want to have a relationship with him but it just seems he already made his mind not to have anything more with me. Am really confused and stressed about this whole thing. My boyfriend is still here all caring but I really don’t feel anything for him and at the same time am afraid of losing him. Please advice”

    #845253 Reply
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    cdobbs

    oh yikes….LW you need to end things with the guy who is in a relationship (he is just using you for sex) and also with the nice guy because you are not being fair to him (you are denying him the opportunity of being with someone who truly loves him)….end things with both guys and look for someone who makes you happy and is able to be in a relationship with you

    #845257 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    You don’t choose either of them. There’s no choice to be made, anyway. You don’t love your boyfriend and the other guy is in a relationship and doesn’t love you, he’s just looking for a sidepiece.

    Break up with the boyfriend. Block the other guy. And be choosier. Date guys if you’re interested in them, not just because you’re flattered by their interest in you. You don’t have to be in a relationship all the time; being single is way better than being in a bad relationship.

    #845258 Reply

    Break up with your bf. It’s not right to be in a relationship when you don’t have the same feelings. It’s wrong to cheat on your partner. It’s really messed up that you haven’t broken up with him.

    And leave the other guy alone. He’s no prize, either.

    People in relationships are supposed to be off limits.

    #845270 Reply
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    Buttery

    “but it just seems he already made his mind not to have anything more with me” – What? He was ALREADY in a relationship and he’s just hitting you on the side. Why don’t YOU make up your mind to do something instead of trying to figure out what some cheating creep is thinking about? And of course he’s only contacting you to find out when he can hit again, he’s not interested in you for anything other than whats between your legs and he isn’t even being covert about it.
    Please let your boyfriend go because you aren’t into him. Are you one of those women who prefer men who treat them badly? I discovered this about a few friends as we call got older. It’s a strange dynamic – to me – but so many people in general seem to operate this way. I think its very much a psychological issue and I find it so interesting. Its like you have to prove that you’re lovable or something.

    #845271 Reply
    avatar
    MP

    Easy – choose neither. You aren’t into your boyfriend and he deserves someone that’s faithful that loves him. The other dude is in a relationship so he’s not an option anyway. Also watch The Math of Love Triangles video from the show the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epuILDZ3KIo

    #845273 Reply
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    SpaceySteph
    Participant

    NEITHER. Option 1, your boyfriend, you don’t even like him. You’re cheating on him. Set him free so you both can find a better relationship elsewhere. And Option 2 isn’t actually an option because he doesn’t want to be with you, he just wants to cheat on his gf with you.

    AIM HIGHER. DO BETTER.

    #845275 Reply
    avatar
    ron

    The first guy is not a good choice because you aren’t that into him and have repeatedly cheated on him. He deserves so much better than you. The guy you are cheating with is also cheating on his gf to be with you. He seems not to care about you other than as an available side chick. Your feelings for him don’t matter, you are just fwb with a cheater — no chance to be his gf.

    You seem desperate for a bf. Why else choose a guy you aren’t into and then a guy who isn’t available? Fix yourself and stop settling, before dating again. And, of course, MOA from both guys. You can be alone for a while. It might help you learn some things about yourself and allow you to set and stick to some semblance of standards.

    #845276 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    This is really sad. You’re treating your boyfriend like dirt, and allowing this other guy to treat you like a disposable object and his own girlfriend like dirt. Break up with your poor boyfriend, delete and block the other guy, and spend some time reflecting on why you use people and allow people to use you. Your life will be happier if you resolve to start relating to people with respect and honesty instead.

    #845282 Reply
    avatar
    ron

    I wouldn’t say he’s using her. She knows his status and they are both cheating with eyes wide open. They are mutual offenders cheating on their SOs. She doesn’t get privileged victim status.

    #845283 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    I don’t think she’s a victim at all. I think she’s letting him use her for sex in the hopes that he’ll decide he wants to be with her instead of with his girlfriend, which is never going to happen. She obviously has no respect for herself, in addition to not having any respect for her boyfriend.

    #845288 Reply
    avatar
    PDX816

    Oh LW, people are being really nice to you on this forum. You’re kind of acting like a shitty person. You don’t give a shit about your BF, break up with him because he deserves someone who actually cares about him. You treat him like trash.
    And no, guy #2 will ever see you as more then someone to stick his dick in. He is cheating on his gf, he will cheat on your too if you somehow manage to convince him to dump her. are you prepared to watch his every move, because men who cheat will continue to cheat. Be better in life, because right now you’re no prize.

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