Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Why can’t I move on?

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Skyblossom Skyblossom 8 months ago.

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  • #749987 Reply
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    Foolish

    My ex is an idiot, but he was MY idiot. Now he is with someone else and I can’t get over it. It’s been a year. I’ve dated a couple guys but no one I was really into. Just makes me want to be with my ex more because he was the only one who made me happy. He is the father of my two kids and will always be a part of their lives, he just doesn’t want to be a part of mine. How do I get over him and move on? I really want to!

    #749988 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    But he DIDN’T make you happy. He left you. You think he’s an idiot. He doesn’t want you in his life. How does that make you happy?

    Focus on the reality, not what you wish had happened. The man who doesn’t want you, who left you, who loves someone else, not you. That’s who he is. That’s what real, now, today. You don’t want that in your life, it would be horrible to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

    It’s OK to be sad when a relationship ends. It’s normal to be sad. But it’s not good for you or your kids to give up on the rest of your life because a guy broke up with you.

    You’re not going to be really into every guy you go out on a date with; not every guy you meet is going to be a good fit for you. Keep dating, keep an open mind.

    #749997 Reply
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    JD

    Not that it helps how you feel but it is so normal to have difficulty moving on. Someone else will make you happy but to some extent you won’t fully move on until you find that. Especially with having children together you will always somewhat long for that fantasy of the perfect family you had. I was for sure over my long term ex as in not wanting to be with him anymore, for many years, but I still mourned the loss of that relationship until I found someone who finally treated me properly. I still sometimes miss certain things but then I remind myself of the reasons it ended. It is fine to miss and cherish the good but relationships require a lot more than some good times, you know that.

    #749999 Reply
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    ron

    That’s true, JD. It’s also true that as long as what is foremost in her mind is this overly-rosy image of the ex — more a fantasy in which his pluses are viewed in a nostalgic glow, while his negatives are minimized — even the most perfect guy for her won’t make her happy, because she isn’t yet ready to be happy.

    #750002 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    You need to make yourself happy and then you will be in a good place emotionally to meet a guy who is also happy and then the two of you can be happy together. A guy can’t make you happy.

    Think about the things that make you happy and try to do at least one every day but as time goes by try to add multiple things to your day that make you happy. Find happiness all around you. Be happy when snuggling with your kids. Be happy when looking at the sunset or wearing your favorite color or reading a great book or seeing a movie you’ve been wanting to see but hadn’t yet because you didn’t have the time or the money. Try to come up with at least three things every day that you are lucky to have. Add in at least one lucky thing that happened to you during the day or something that stood out as particularly kind or generous or loving. Try to do at least one thing that is kind or generous or loving for someone else each day.

    Happiness is a state of mind.

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