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Why can't i seem to get this girl off my mind

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This topic contains 13 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by avatar dinoceros 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #836360 Reply
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    Hunter

    There’s a girl in my class (I’m 11th grade) who I’m friends with but not really that close to, and I’ve known her since 7th grade. In 10th grade I asked her if she wanted to go on a date one weekend and she said she was busy that weekend, so I decided to hang onto that thought. Two weeks later I asked her out again and she said the same thing again. Hearing that kinda stung, but I never really held any negative feelings towards her. Though I pretty much gave up trying to ask her out after that experience. Later on I found out she had a boyfriend, whom I’m not really sure if she’s still with, so I guess that’s probably why she said no, but I don’t know for sure because I’ve never discussed this matter with her again after my final try asking her out.
    For whatever reason, the thought of me and her being together still bounces around the back of my mind a lot. No matter how much I want to move on from this, it still haunts my thoughts, not 24/7 or anything, the idea just kinda refuses to leave my head. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a sweet girl and I’m still friends with her now, but having her reject me twice made me lose faith in the two of us ever being a thing, and I’m living a perfectly content life without that. Yet as hard I try to get my mind to just forget the whole idea, there’s a small part of me that still really wants to be with her despite all of this. I don’t know what I’m gonna do to solve this whole thing. What do you guys think would be a good choice of action? Please help me, thank you.

    #836361 Reply
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    Kate

    Oh hi again, Hunter.

    So, if a girl likes you but is just busy or she has a boyfriend, she will say something like, “I can’t this weekend because I’m going away with my family, but I am free next weekend.” Or, “I’m flattered but I actually have a boyfriend.” When someone says “I’m busy” and offers no alternative, they’re not interested but don’t want to have to say so.

    So just enjoy her friendship and know that dating is off the table, but you made the appropriate attempt.

    #836362 Reply
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    Hunter

    I know Kate. It probably won’t ever happen between us, and I gave up on her a long time ago. But for some reason I still think of being with her from time to time, and I don’t know how to stop this.

    #836363 Reply
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    Kate

    Totally normal and not a bad thing. It’s a crush. Honestly there’s nothing you can really do about it. It fades in time, or you get interested in someone else.

    #836366 Reply
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    Kate

    Oh, also, those high school feelings can be very intense. I don’t want to downplay the feelings of a high school crush. But that intensity and longevity doesn’t mean in any way that it’s meant to be. It’s just kinda letting you know you’re alive and that possibility is all around you. It’s way better than being dead inside!

    #836367 Reply
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    FYI

    It sounds like you just want the thought of a romance with her to leave your mind, and I suggest this:
    Stop treating it like a problem that you have to solve. When the thought rears up, don’t think, “ugh, I’m always HAUNTED by this.” Instead, just shrug and say, “yeah, it’s really cool that I gave that a shot. Can’t wait to see who’s next.”
    Don’t fight so hard against the thought, because that will make it last longer. Just pat yourself on the back for what you did right and keep it moving.

    #836373 Reply
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    Hunter

    Yeah, I see what you’re saying FYI. Though it is kinda hard to do that when I see this girl literally almost every day. Plus, no other girl I know (while many of them are nice), seems to have this same effect on me, it’s fricking weird. There are about 340 students in my whole school. Assuming half of them are girls, that means I see about 170 girls every day. Not one of them has ever brought any attraction out of me.

    #836374 Reply
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    Hunter

    *This same kind of attraction I mean.

    #836375 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    Its not fricking weird. It’s what every teenager ever feels at some point.

    #836376 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Agreed that it’s normal. If you really want your crush to go away, though, scaling back your friendship should help.

    #836393 Reply
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    Hannanas

    It’s not weird, it’s what a crush is: out of all these people you know, this person has that effect on you. It’s great.
    Let it fade, there will be more crushes!

    #836501 Reply

    I agree it’s just a crush. Avoid her for awhile, hope that it will fade.

    I also just want to say unless the lady says “I can’t Thursday, but how about this other time?” It’s almost certainly a NO. Just assume that and stop asking.

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