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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Why did he delete texts?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Why did he delete texts?

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  • #1109025 Reply
    Lou
    Guest

    Hi,
    My boyfriend and I have been together for five years.
    Recently he has a new female staff member. He mentions her a lot in conversations, which is fine.
    However, a couple of weeks ago, we were watching tv in the evening and his phone kept pinging with texts from her. I was a bit peeved as we were trying to enjoy our evening. I asked why she keeps texting him over the weekend and he said they just talk general chit chat. I felt uncomfortable, so I asked to read them. He wouldn’t let me. The next day I asked why I couldn’t see them and he said there was nothing to hide, but I’d get annoyed and he’d deleted them.
    This has really upset me, as he has flirted with a other woman over text before and his ex wife at the start of our relationship.
    Last night, I went to look at some photos on his phone (which he said I could), and I did something stupid – I looked at his WhatsApp. He has put password protection on it. He said he didn’t and it must have happened as part of an update. Is he hiding something, or am I being paranoid? He swears he has done nothing wrong, so why hide things from me? He can look at everything on my phone, so this makes no sense to me.
    I feel physically sick as something doesn’t fit quite right. 🙁

    #1109026 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    He’s hiding something. He doesn’t want you seeing the texts because, at minimum, they’re flirtatious.

    #1109166 Reply
    Daisy
    Guest

    Yes, he’s hiding something. Either he’s flirting or he’s saying things about you that you wouldn’t want him to. Either way is a bad sign. I’m sorry.

    #1109170 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Yup – at best he’s having a mild flirtation, worse – he’s on his way to an affair – worst – he’s in an active affair.

    You can’t make him show you his phone, but you can determine if this is a deal breaker for you.

    If anything, he’s showing that he can hide things from you, dismiss your concerns, and lie directly to your face (update?!).

    #1109174 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    Yeah, I agree with the above. You know he’s got something to hide.

    In the future, when a guy starts texting women, just leave him. If he did that at the start, you just should have stopped seeing him. You unfortunately have invested five years into a relationship with a guy whose done this exact thing to you at least a few times before. He’s not going to change.

    But you can change. You can stop accepting this and leave him.

    #1109200 Reply
    Helen
    Guest

    I like what anonymous said. You can’t change him but you can change you and stop accepting his bullshit

    #1109204 Reply
    PurpleStar
    Guest

    For the love of cheese – he has been doing this for 5 years !!
    He is not going to change. He is an asshole. He does not value you. He will continue doing this because you have just played doormat to his cheating for 5 years.

    Do you want to spend the next 5 years in the same situation?

    #1109569 Reply
    Mojo
    Guest

    I’m sorry to tell you this, but he is absolutely doing things on his phone he knows would hurt you. He’s doing it anyway. And he plans to continue. That is why he put password protection on WhatsApp. He doesn’t want you to find the future texts he will send and receive. He is likely flirting and sexting with more than one woman. He probably has alternate email addresses and social media accounts you don’t know about, but it is not a good use of your time to go looking for them. It won’t change anything. And he is not going to change.

    This is your chance to get out before you get even more invested. You deserve far better. Focus on you. Think carefully about the steps you can now take in your life that will help you advance your dreams, your goals, your passions, your career, your education…whatever it is that is important to you. Then go for it!

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