Why do I have no friends
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I just… don’t think the sister is a huge problem. Or if she is, she’s a much smaller problem than LW’s profound insecurities. Making friends isn’t a competition. If the new folks she met liked her enough to be more than acquaintances or casual friends, it literally does not matter if they also like her sibling.
Everything Copa said about the sister. From what was written, it never crossed my mind that the sister hijacked the class or the friends.
Wow, Ron. So much supposing here.
She needs therapy. Stop trashing her sister. It sounds like the one stable person she has. I’m a skeptic, I admit, but I’m not fully convinced someone with zero social relationships has a fiance, is he IRL? Tell me more about him.
She said they went to the hobby together and the new friends starting texting her sister and “checking up on her, not me”
How is that the sister’s fault? I text people I vibe with. It’s clear there are some issues here, with a person who can’t make friends and hasn’t made any friends of note at all in fifteen years. You’re putting a lot of this on the sister and the fiancé. Imagine being someone’s sole social outlet, other than a sister she apparently also disdains. He’s already being most of her social outlet. It’s not on him to help her make friends.
Do think there is something going on in person that maybe you could ask your sister about? Do you give off an unfriendly vibe? Because I definitely can feel it when I meet a woman who is insecure and has sized me up as competition in her eyes (as if there is one?) I am not saying that’s you, but how are you with other women? What about around your fiancé? What about around his friend’s girlfriends?
@Ron – She states that she’s never brought this up to her family. So her sister doesn’t even know about her insecurities or that she has no friends.
You doubt a family can miss these things…but you know nothing of this family.
Families are famous for their blinders. You literally have no idea what the family situation is.
The evil sister, “responds to new friends exactly as she knows will draw them in…” what the what? Is that how you view socially adept people? This is ridiculous, unless you’re advising her to isolate her from her own sister as well?
You mean the sister maybe smiled and asked a good question of the people she just met, and didn’t act weird and made friends, herself? She came off well, but she did that AT the LW? What is it with ascribing this weird blame to the sister?
Right. You’ve said I misconstrued your stance on the finance and assigning him to be her everything.
Yet, you’re assigning malicious intent to the sister.
This LW spent 15 years pushing people away. Not people. Women. You’re feeding into her fears saying her sister is out to get her. That’s now what she needs.
She said she hasn’t confided in her family. Yet, they’re to instinctively know?
I don’t get it. Truly.
FWIW I think a lot of us are making some assumptions and there are plenty of things the LW could clarify, but I don’t think she will.
Once I moved out of my parents’ house, they by and large had no clue what was going on with my social life.
I had the same thought as Copa, that OP may not have looked into therapy deeply or at all. I’ve found that a lot of folks I’ve recommended therapy to have assumptions about the cost, accessibility, and even whether it could help them at all.
To Ron’s point about therapy being hard to find in more rural areas and at or near capacity post-Covid – the app BetterHelp is accessible from anywhere in North America, has counsellors available right now, and offers sliding-scale fees. I used it during Covid and qualified for reduced fees even though I earn a livable wage. OP could download the app, get matched with an appropriate counsellor, and be having her first phone or video session all within 24 hours.
Depending on what country or state she’s in, there may even be free mental health programs. Where I live, in Ontario, Canada, a government-sponsored mental health program called MindBeacon offers free CBT to any resident who wants it. Look for links to resources on your governments’ websites.
There are obstacles to therapy for sure, but often the biggest one is whether someone has the motivation to look into and prioritize it.
I had the same thought as Copa, that OP may not have looked into therapy deeply or at all. I’ve found that a lot of folks I’ve recommended therapy to have assumptions about the cost, accessibility, and even whether it could help them at all.
To Ron’s point about therapy being hard to find in more rural areas and at or near capacity post-Covid – the app BetterHelp is accessible from anywhere in North America, has counsellors available right now, and offers sliding-scale fees. I used it during Covid and qualified for reduced fees even though I earn a livable wage. OP could download the app, get matched with an appropriate counsellor, and be having her first phone or video session all within 24 hours.
Depending on what country or state she’s in, there may even be free mental health programs. Where I live, in Ontario, Canada, a government-sponsored mental health program called MindBeacon offers free CBT to any resident who wants it. Look for links to resources on your governments’ websites.
There are obstacles to therapy for sure, but often the biggest one is whether someone has the motivation to look into and prioritize it.
