Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Why does this stuff always happen to me??

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  • #968312 Reply
    avatarAlli
    Guest

    So I recently got back into contact with my ex a few days ago. I just thought, “why not? We can be friends.” I was wrong: I think I definitely still love him. The major issue? He is in a relationship right now. We would constantly talk all day everyday over text and then when he doesn’t respond for hours then I know he is with his girlfriend, which makes sense why he doesn’t answer, but it is killing me. I don’t want to hold my feelings in any longer because I already spent an hour crying in my room knowing I can’t have him. But I do know I cannot tell him since I am positive he has no feelings for me anymore. I 100% regret breaking up a year and a half ago, but I can’t change it. I don’t know if there is any advice to be given to me, but I really just needed to rant about this. Thanks for listening!

    #968313 Reply
    avataremsliza
    Participant

    I’m def not in any place to give advice in this area but! I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s kinda shitty of him to be speaking to his ex whilst having a girlfriend, though. I’d suggest cutting him off though. Talking to exes is a no no.

    #968314 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Just start over with the no contact. Block him again and don’t contact him. Talking to him makes you feel bad, and he shouldn’t be talking to you anyway. Cut it off.

    #968316 Reply
    avatarCopa
    Participant

    This is happening to you because you sought it out. But luckily you have the power to put it to an end and feel better again soon by cutting him off. There’s a reason people advise no contact, and while some people can and do stay friends with exes, it’s not for everyone. Or with certain exes it’s just not possible or a good idea. It’s okay to not be friends.

    #968317 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    You’re lying to yourself. You did not just decide to get back in contact with your ex thinking ‘we can just be friends’. If you only wanted to be friends, you wouldn’t cry for an hour whenever you realize he is spending time with his current gf. You can’t solve your problem by continuing to lie to yourself. You got in contact with him hoping he would hear your voice and want to get back together with you. Well… he gave you your answer. He is willing to talk as just friends, but he has a gf and doesn’t want to get back with you. Since that’s not what you want, you have to break contact.

    I don’t think he did anything wrong. Exes can talk to each other. She offered just friendship. He crossed no boundaries. He didn’t in any way lead her on. She called him under false pretense.

    Moral of this story: don’t seek to be ‘just friends’ with an ex, if you actually want to get back with them. You are only going to hurt yourself, and very possibly others. Or perhaps, being less stringent, make your casual feeling out call, but when you get the vibe your ex is happy with new SO, doesn’t want anything beyond friendship with you, quickly bow out, if just friendship won’t work for you.

    #968319 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Well, for a bigger picture ….
    You could ask yourself if there might not be something out there in the world that is more interesting than this? I mean, it’s hard to cut this shit out, because it creates SOME kind of feeling (even if bad), which makes you feel alive somehow.
    But there are other ways to feel alive. Better ways. What are you good at? What do you want to be good at? Wouldn’t that be a better investment of your time and energy than crying in your room?
    Honestly I think most people get involved in this kind of drama just to have something going on in their lives. But there are SO MANY other things you could engage with, things that are more fun and even much more fascinating than this rando dude.

    #968340 Reply
    avatarEmiliano
    Guest

    I would say that yoy could do different things to try to forget him, I don´t nlow if you like yoga, but you could try it, another thing that you can do, but its more hard and complicated its to realized that he soesn´t love you, i Know that it hurts and it´s problematic because It happened to me, but trust me, In a some point of time, you will never feel bad, and i repeat, try to do things that helps you or relaz you, sometime that you love and it will hwlp you a lot

    #968341 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    Most people are not friends with their exes – no matter what TV tells you.

    Think of contacting an ex in the same way a former smoker would pick up a cigarette after a year of being smoke free. Or an alcoholic having a beer after a year of sobriety.

    Just go no contact again. You don’t have to share your feelings. Please don’t share your feelings with him. Seriously, you’re allowed to have things that you don’t share.

    #968342 Reply
    avatarPheebers
    Participant

    I’d be shocked if he didn’t realize you still have feelings for him. This is not a good situation, you know it. And you titled the post “Why does this stuff always happen to me…” why? Do you have a history of breaking up with people and then wanting to get back with them?

    #968343 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    This stuff doesn’t just happen to you, you instigated it. So…instead of acting on impulse and texting an ex you still have feelings for, exercise your self restraint and do something good for yourself, like go for a jog or read or watch a movie or clean or cook some food or call a friend.

    #968346 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    If we had an FAQ it would simply say to never contact your exes. Some people are friends with their exes but on average it is a bad idea and most people are had judges of whether they can handle it.

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