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“Will College Change Our Relationship?”

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  • #850628 Reply
    Dear WendyDear Wendy

    From a LW:

    “My boyfriend and i have only been dating about 2 months and about last week we mood him into his college dorm. i have heard many things about how college changes relationships and im scared he is going to find someone else. he is a football player number one reason why. we haven’t been together that long reason number 2 and hew will forget about me reason 3 . i have many insecurities that get me scared that he will want to break up with me. ever since he moved away to college things haven’t been the same. and i feel all he wants to do is have sex cause that is all he talks about now and i have heard sex ruins relationships and i don’t want this to ruin it. he is one year older than me and his roommate and his gf argue all the time and it scares me. i don’t know what to do. or if i should talk to him about it cause i don’t want to cause a problem. i love him but sometimes i think its just puppy love. like does he actually want to see me or is it just all sex to him. he talks about the future all the time but does he actually want that to be a reaility or does he just say things like that. his parents dont really taljk to me so i dont have a close connection to him and im scared that he can eazily let go of me and find better. i dont want to loose him but i don’t want to fight like all these couples are doing. what do i do? im really nervous and scared things are going to change and i dont want them to.”

    #850646 Reply

    Yes college changes relationships, partly because of distance and reduced time together, but largely because college changes people. You learn knew things, are independent, meet a whole knew group of people.

    I think you need to move on from this guy. It sounds like he is just using you until he finds another gf on campus. Sex doesn’t ruin relationships generally, but putting someone in a position in which they feel as though they are viewed only as a source of sex will kill a relationship. Yours is dead.

    Two months is too quick for you to be so invested in this guy. You will find another bf who is interested in you for more than just sex. MOA. It will hurt more for a little while, but less pain in total than going the route you’re on and your life takes a turn for the good faster if you just MOA. The end of your relationship is guaranteed.

    #850652 Reply

    You are too young to be in a long term relationship with someone. Find a new boyfriend

    #850663 Reply

    It sounds like you really like him and I understand why you’re worried but nothing you say suggests that he’s committed to making it work with you… Also you say you don’t know if he wants to see you or not. I know you like him but since things sound already uncertain, I don’t have any reassuring words for your guys’s relationship I’m sorry. You’ll meet a boyfriend that’s committed to you and makes it known he wants to be with you down the line. Work on yourself and be patient.

    #850668 Reply

    The real question has nothing to do with this guy. Your real question is —
    how can I get a sense of my own worthiness, apart from what anyone else thinks?
    how can I not be so dependent on others’ opinions and moods?
    how can I find and express my innate gifts and talents, so that I have a shot at being happy most of the time?
    how can I really make good decisions about whom I invite into my life?

    C’mon, girl. No matter what happens with this dude, you want to be centered and grounded in your own sense of self. You can do this. Read some books or websites about it, get interested in how to make that happen, focus on that instead of him.

    #850674 Reply

    You say he only cares about sex and that’s all he talks about. So is this really the guy you want to try really hard to make it work with? This doesn’t sound like a serious love connection to me. You’ll find guys (people in general, and you too, probably) like to fantasize about their future and will insert you into that fantasy. That’s not some sign you’re going to make it at two months in.

    College definitely changes things. He’s going to be surrounded by hundreds of other women who have the same classes, interests, friends. They will have an advantage because they are there and available.

    I’m sorry to be the Debbie downer, but most relationships do fail when one is at college. It takes a strong relationship to last. Yours doesn’t sound especially strong, considering his main objective with you is sex.

    #850716 Reply

    this relationship is done, say good bye cause he will be getting it on with girls that are closer in proximity to him and the long distance relationship has only 2 month worth of dating to stand on, not much at all.

    call it a loss and move on, maybe on a few years when he’s done his education and you’re both single? give it a try.

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