Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Working with my boyfriends Ex girlfriend

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  • #1099268 Reply

    Hi! I just started a new job at Starbucks and my boyfriends ex girlfriend works there. It’s not like I don’t ever see he either because we all work very closely and teamwork is big. They dated a long time ago and everyone has moved on. My boyfriend and I are in a very happy relationship. It has nothing to do with jealousy or even disliking her. It’s just simply strange for me. I feel awkward and that isn’t something I like to feel when I go to work. I don’t even know if she knows who I am, but I have a strong feeling she does. Another girl is also working there as well who my boyfriend had a bad relationship with, not romantically but she was just mean in the past. I am just curious if anyone else would feel strange or uncomfortable in this situation? Emotionally I feel like I won’t be able to get over the weird feeling of working with his ex even though it was a long time ago. Am I over reacting? I think I would be able to transfer stores but I am hesitant to tell my boss about the situation because I don’t want it to seem like I am making a thing out of nothing. Should I stick it out and just keep working with her through feeling uncomfortable and see if it goes away? Or should I mention something? Has anyone else had a similar situation and what did you do?

    #1099270 Reply

    You’re massively overthinking this. Just continue to go to work, treat her like everyone else and you’ll soon think of her as just a workmate rather than your boyfriends ex.

    #1099271 Reply

    Yes, you’re way overreacting if you’re even half considering *bringing this up to your boss*

    That’s when you’ve entered cuckootown, if you think that would ever be an option.

    Yes, I can imagine feeling a lil awkward in this situation, but not to the point that it should affect your work and you couldn’t get over it quickly.

    #1099272 Reply

    I’d be uncomfortable. But… I can compartmentalize. Work is work. Relationships are relationships. I can separate the two since technically, I don’t have a relationship with the ex. It’s a friend of a friend situation.

    Be friendly and professional. You can put boundaries on your private life; don’t talk about your boyfriend at work. Don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing.

    #1099276 Reply
    Dear Wendy

    Yeah, for SURE do not say anything to your boss. You could potentially say something to the co-worker like, “Hey, I think you dated my boyfriend a long time ago. Small world, right?” Sometimes saying something outlaid that is weighing on you releases some (or a lot) of its power. But if you think this could make things more awkward for you or her, then don’t. Just be professional and mature and deal with your discomfort on your own. There’s no reason to burden others with something that just isn’t that big of a deal. Does your boyfriend know you’re working with this ex-girlfriend of his?

    #1099277 Reply

    This is as big of a deal as you make it. I can understand being surprised at first, but aside from that, you should be able to move past it.

    As former Starbucks barista, transferring stores used to be pretty easy. You could probably transfer if you wanted, but I wouldn’t tell the manager why. I will also say, unless it was an open or close shift where things were slow and fewer baristas were on the clock, it was easy to work independently. If I was working the espresso bar, I was focused on making drinks, not gabbing with coworkers. If I was on the register, I was talking to customers. If there was a lull in customers, there were always cleaning and refresh tasks. I truly don’t know what all this unavoidable teamwork you speak of is. I made some good friends at Starbucks, but there were some coworkers I never became friends with or just didn’t have much to say to and it wasn’t an issue at all that we worked side by side quietly focused on our own tasks.

    #1099280 Reply

    I will also add that one of the stores I worked at was on my college campus and they hired a lot of students. So people made friends and sometimes dated. Several sets of old coworkers who met on the job are actually married now. But we were a younger crowd and mostly these were short lived flings or sometimes amounted to an unreciprocated crush or whatever. Nobody ever really made a big thing of it on the job.

    #1099281 Reply

    Am I over reacting?
    YES. Do not say anything to your boss, please. Don’t even transfer, just get over it. Getting over this situation will help you to stop acting like a delicate flower, which is a skill you’ll need. This is a giant nothingburger, seriously.

    #1099282 Reply
    Miss MJ

    Wait, you started a new job and you want to complain to your boss about two employees who were already working there when you started because they dated your boyfriend and you’re uncomfortable? What? No, don’t do this. I’m honestly unsure what you even want your boss to do about it? Fire them? Do gymnastics with the schedule so you never have to see them? That’s not likely. Or reasonable. If you really can’t handle working with them, then transfer or find a new job. However, this is not your boss’s problem.

    #1099285 Reply

    Say nothing. Doing so will only make you look bad.

    It continues to amaze me how fragile many heterosexual relationships must be. So many seem determined to stir up drama with the exes even when there simply isn’t any. Are those that do this really just bored — or what?

    #1099286 Reply

    Why should this matter. You don’t say this has caused you any actual problem or that the other woman even realizes that she has an ex in common with you. You sound immature.

    #1099287 Reply

    Say nothing. I once worked with a guy who dumped me and the girl he dumped me for. Then the store we worked at closed down and we all got jobs at the same competing store (I got mine first). And we all worked together for two more years after that. She hated me, but I refused to get bogged down in that crap. I held my head high and treated both like every other coworker. Everyone has moved on, and He and I are still relatively close friends (thankfully he’s dating someone WAY better nowadays). Compartmentalization is the key, and it’s actually pretty easy. I met my current bf at work (you’d think I’d learn from the past, but eh), and believe me, my view of him as a coworker and my view as a person are very, very different (he was infuriating as a coworker, the greatest ever as a person). So go to work to work. Leave the personal stuff at home.

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