Home › Forums › Get Advice, Give Advice › Wrong For Feeling This Way?
- This topic has 18 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 months, 1 week ago by
LisforLeslie.
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CopaParticipantWhat you’re feeling sounds normal, but when you have a happy and fulfilling life outside of your romantic relationships, it makes it a lot easier to stop dwelling on a former partner. You’re also less likely to feel the need to “replace” them to feel happy again. I think it sounds like you need to focus on yourself right now. Spend time with friends and family, participate in hobbies you enjoy. Take up a new hobby or activity to broaden your social circle. Make a life for yourself that feels true to who you are and brings you joy. Doing these things will also help you eventually attract a more compatible partner than if you go out looking for a replacement partner.
Kate
KeymasterYes, and by time we don’t mean a week or a month. It’s really just moving on with your life and trying to have a good time.
I promise you it is doable. We’ve all been there multiple times. That is part of life and love. You have to go through relationships that don’t work out, we all do, to get to the one that will.
W.B.
GuestThank you everyone! I know I have been abstract, but basically it was an 8-year relationship that ended and to me I had always looked at her as the person of my dreams, so being someone she loved meant a great deal to me. I want her to be happy and I recognize that she shouldn’t be with me if that’s not what’s gonna make her happy, but I am scared that I will never get to a point where I don’t feel sadness that we couldn’t have continued to find a way for her to be at her happiest AND she wanted to be with me as much as before AND we could be together. I want to stop feeling that desire to not want to be with her so I don’t care whether she remembers me, or that she wants to be elsewhere, or that we’re not together. But I guess I just have to hope that comes with time. It’s just hard to imagine because she is the person of my dreams, and that’s what terrifies me
KeymasterOh. You probably should have mentioned this was an 8-year relationship. It’s going to take a while to fully move on, it’s ok and healthy and normal to feel sadness, and yeah, maybe start dating again if you’re vaccinated and feel like you want to. But 8 years is a long time, and yes, of course it’s hard to get past it… but you will.
CopaParticipantI’ll also add, there’s nothing wrong with speaking to a therapist if you feel like you’re stuck in your emotions doing nothing but spinning your wheels. An eight-year relationship is a long one and you may benefit from speaking to a neutral third-party who has experience helping people through these situations.
GuestYeah time is the scary part haha, and a therapist is in the offing. I guess I’m kicking myself because I had seen a lot of failed relationships growing up, and I swore I’d never be that person who was hung up on a heartbreak. So here I am now and I keep wishing there was a formula: (1) Stop wanting to be with your ex, and (2) then voila you won’t care if they remember you, if they want to be with you, who they’re with but I don’t know how to make (1) happen lol. I guess time will tell.
LisforLeslie
GuestYou are literally going through a grieving process. But the person didn’t die, the relationship did. Some people can get through the stages of grief really quickly. Some can’t. Some people wallow in it. Don’t be a wallower. I’ve been a wallower. It’s pointless, annoying to those around you and unhealthy as fuck.
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