- This topic has 29 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by brise.
January 17, 2021 at 10:19 pm #1007961AuntSheaGuest
The other day while having a very small gathering with my sister and my cousin to cake a cut for my sons birthday, it so happened that my nephew was asking to sleep over. I found it weird that after I said I didn’t mind , my sister and her husband kept saying they where not sure. I found it odd. I asked well do you have plans ? No. Our kids see each other every couple of weeks , even through the pandemic, so that couldn’t be a reason. I finally asked my sister why the awkwardness and resistance. She said “ because when he comes here (my nephew) he comes home and says bad words. I was taken a back. Our kids have been fairly close since they where babies , given the very short difference in age. They both play online and watch you tube. The only thing I could really say at the moment is , every child says things they shouldn’t when grown ups are not watching. Anyway, its been two days and its still bothering me. I am hesitant to start an argument and ruin it for the kids, after all its not their fault.January 18, 2021 at 12:18 am #1008055FYIGuest
Well, DO you swear a lot in your house? She clearly was hesitant to say anything but was honest with you. You can either blame others or do the mature thing and check to see if there is any validity to what she said. If you swear a lot, or are letting her kid watch a lot of swearing on the computer or TV, then she has every right to limit his interactions.January 18, 2021 at 7:28 am #1008225briseGuest
Definitely don’t start a fight. That would be dumb and self-defeating. Firstly, I think that you shouldn’t have insisted on the sleepover offer. If parents aren’t keen to let their kids do sleepover, never insist, even with your sister. They don’t have to explain why not.
Some parents are super-protective and it is useless to propose any sleepover, that won’t happen.
On this case, don’t destroy an important family link for such a minor topic.
About the bad words: if you let the boys watch youtube freely and play video games probably beyond their age, and without the parental control setting, they will learn bad language. Just check more in the future: install the parental control on the computer, and don’t let them play violent games with explicit language. Don’t use yourself bad words.
Then forget about it. Parents tend to think that they provide the best education to their own offspring, while all the others tend to suck somewhere. There is probably something that you find disputable in your nephew’s education? There is also often a little rivalry between siblings, especially if they have children the same age, comparisons are difficult to avoid. Diffuse all that tension and don’t fall in the trap to get angry about that. Don’t dwell on it. Just let it go and check next time you host the cousins’ reunion – cute and fun! – that they don’t learn and use bad language. YOu can also ask them: do they use gross words at your place, do they hear it on youtube or so? You don’t want that to happen at your place. Your house: no bad words.January 18, 2021 at 8:22 am #1008250anonymousseParticipant
Are you with the kids when they are on YouTube? Instead of getting mad, try to observe more and pay more attention to what your kid is doing. I have no idea how old your son is but she has legitimate concerns with your house, so…take the feedback as best you can and try to find out what your son is getting into.January 18, 2021 at 8:27 am #1008254AuntSheaGuest
I appreciate the advice. You are right, I shouldn’t have asked. I guess I did because the kids kept insisting. They play online together and talk on the phone a lot as well. I have parental restrictions, I will go on and re evaluate the settings. I am not saying I don’t curse but not anymore than my sister does. And my nephew watches youtube and plays online , which my father recalled he had to delete inappropriate things from my nephews ipad. Anyway , I will let it go and do my best to make sure the kids are behaving. Thank youJanuary 18, 2021 at 8:28 am #1008255AuntSheaGuest
They are 8-9 years oldJanuary 18, 2021 at 8:30 am #1008257briseGuest
You could also stop any screen activity and go with them outside. Or propose them some board games. That would be an upgrade in the quality.January 18, 2021 at 9:33 am #1008294Karebear1813Participant
No you don’t need to pester your sister or anyone regarding staying the night. But I do think it is worth bringing up the reason she believes her son has learned bad words at your home. Its very common for kids to lie about where they heard “bad words” in attempts to distract the truth. It would also be beneficial to sit down with your child and have an honest talk about the language in the home and the language around his cousin.
At their age they know what they are allowed and not allowed to say, even if other adults say it. My nephew loved bad words between 5/6yrs old. He wasn’t taught it, he heard it 100% from is parents but he had been disciplined to learn that he isn’t allow to say adult words.
Your sister is a fool to assume her child only learned this language at your home considering his spends most of his time at her home.
Some parents sometimes like to put the blame on others when in fact their the ones to blame.January 18, 2021 at 11:35 am #1008360LisahGuest
When my boys were 8ish years old. I discussed bad words with them. The most important part of that education is to know your audience with the goal to not offend by respecting others needs and beliefs. This is a basic adult lesson. I personally don’t believe that words are bad and the meaning behind words is constantly shifting. I realized that boys were going to cuss and I couldn’t control them and had no intention of controlling them. They learned which words were public, home, and in their room words. I would hear them use the f word while playing video games but never in public. As they have aged bad/cuss words have lost their appeal. They are not taboo. They are just words that culture and society have decided are bad. When there is no reaction they lose their luster.January 18, 2021 at 2:25 pm #1008471briseGuest
Your update changes a bit the perspective. So have a conversation with your son, try to get more information about his and his cousin’s source of “bad words”, and explain him the boundary. Then send an email to your sister, without acrimony. Just tell her that you took seriously her remark about bad words. You have parental setting and will double check them, and supervise closely their future encounters when they are together. But you think that your nephew has probably other sources like youtube and narrate your father’s story. Kids can learn bad language a bit everywhere and all parents face this problem. Your sister will probably backpedal a bit.
The most important is probably to talk to the kids themselves and let them know that you won’t tolerate swearing. Of course they will do it but they will control more their own language register.January 18, 2021 at 2:46 pm #1008485anonymousseParticipant
At 8 years old, you just decided you can’t control your children and stopped trying to discipline them or teach them from using bad language? You say this is “a basic adult lesson,” and let them go. At eight years old.
This is one of the consequences of that parenting choice- now your sister and her husband don’t feel comfortable to leave their children overnight with you.
The argument that you can’t control what your kids do so let them do whatever is not applicable for 8 year olds. When they’re older, sure but at eight, other parents are also expecting you to be teaching your children normal social norms like not letting your child swear. Behavior like that, as silly as you may find it is a warning sign for others. It’s abnormal for an eight year old to know the word fuck. It raises questions as to how much you are supervising your kids, what you’re exposing them to, etc.January 18, 2021 at 4:03 pm #1008537