It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from Fed Up with Flaccid, a woman who was questioning her relationship with her boyfriend of two years because of his reluctance to propose, his proclivity for kinky sex, and his erectile dysfunction (that he blamed her for, despite a medical diagnosis). A year and a half later, are they still together? Her update below:
Also, I wanted to say, over 50% of men get ED after age 50 if not before. This is something we should talk more openly about. I think much of society keeps it hush, hush which makes it worse. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but because we rarely talk about ED, neither men or women know what to do when it happens. Obviously a man with ED should go to the doctor, but they are often ashamed to do so. Men and women should partner to figure out ways to get pleasure without an erection.
Anyways, I just wanted to clarify and say yes, ladies, I did the obvious and left him, but it was a complicated decision because a man having ED should not mean we automatically leave.
Single and Happier
Thank you for your update and for clarifying your original message. Re-reading that column which, apparently I’ve posted many times!, I see that my response was, indeed, very simplistic. If I were to answer your letter again, I’d tell you that the ED is the least of the issues you laid out. His lack of interest in marrying you, his gaslighting you, and your mis-matched sexual interests are all reasons to leave as well. I’m glad you got out and hope you’re doing well today!
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
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