It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Just Friends with Jane,” again, the man whose girlfriend, “Eve,” requested that he stop talking to his longtime female friend from childhood, “Jane.” Jane is like his sister, he said; he talks to her on the phone every Sunday and occasionally sees a new superhero movie with her (which Eve is invited to as well). “Eve says that I’m disrespecting her by continuing to associate with Jane and that she feels like an outsider when the three of us are together. Before all this, I was ready to propose, but now I’m having doubts. If I marry Eve, then maybe she’ll feel more secure in our relationship, but if she doesn’t, then I might never be allowed to see my friend again.”
He updated us once before, and despite our advice in the original column to leave Eve (L’Eve?), he seemed committed to making it work. Here’s update #2:
I actually didn’t tell Jane that Eve had asked me to leave. I didn’t want her to tell me what you and the other people on your column were saying. Eve said that I didn’t care about her or our relationship and that I was pushing her away because I wanted to see other people. I told her that I didn’t want to see other people and suggested counseling again. But Eve refused to do counseling and said that I was trying to shift the blame for all our problems on her. I told her that I would let her talk first with the therapist first and tell her side, but she said that the counselor would already be on my side because she hadn’t gone to the other appointment.
I offered to find a different therapist and she refused again, so I gave her a time limit to do counseling or move out. She chose neither and said that we could deal with our issues privately. I said that we obviously couldn’t since things seemed to be getting worse the more time passed. She said that she wasn’t going and I said that we were done and that I wanted her out by the weekend. She left the room without another word and later sent me a text saying that she was going to live with her friend.
I tried to be firm, but I think that if she had called my bluff again, then I would have crumbled. I’m not proud of this, but I was going to try to talk to her again when she came to get her stuff, but she sent her co-worker instead. He said that she was too hurt by our break-up and that she wanted a clean break.
I know it’s for the best, but I still can’t help but feel like I could have done more to make her feel secure in our relationship. Jane said that Eve will come back once she realizes how much I love her and that she could still talk to her for me. I turned her down. I think that sending Jane to smooth things over would make things worse.
I am going to take a break from dating for a while.
Bullet dodged, my friend, bullet dodged.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.